Why did you get a Divorce?

Why did you get a Divorce?

by Ngozi AbiolaMarch 11, 2023March 17, 202328

Ever wondered what made a marriage break up? Our community members share their stories.

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Tags: divorce, husband, marriage

Comments (28)

Anonymous
ReplyMarch 11, 2023

Hello,
Back Story.
We are both Nigerians but live in the UK and we’ve been married for 3 years. He’s on spouse visa and I’m British.
We’re currently separated because he abuses me physically, emotionally, psychologically and financially because of his ‘niece’ who lives in Nigeria.
Basically this niece in question is a full grown adult who does not understand boundaries with the way she communicates with my husband, ‘her uncle’ regarding anything about her.
My husband carries this ‘niece’ matter on his head.
I have seen in the past their chats which is in a romantic way between both of them using ‘my darling’ ‘my sweetheart’ ‘I miss you and I love you’ for each other.
Everytime I confront my husband about this. He becomes very aggressive, angry, defensive ans protective of this ‘niece’. He then accuses me of trying to come between him and his family. He claims the woman is his niece. He then gives me silent treatment and keeps grudges with me for days/weeks.

The arguments most times escalates into violence whereby he destroys things at home. He is the one always calling all his family members and friends to insult me all because he met me a single mother. Basically claiming he did me a favour getting married to me.

I have a son that is not for him. My husband met me a single mother and Yes he met me doing extremely well. I was taking good care of myself and my son and I still do take care of myself and my son. I work full time and also sort out my son’s childcare needs.
I refused to get pregnant for my husband (I have an implant) because of the ‘niece’ issue and also toxicity in the marriage basically no peace.
I do not want to bring any more children to a home where there is no peace.
He also hasn’t done any traditional wedding rites on my head and he hasn’t paid my bride price. We only did registry so we could sort out his documents to stay back in the UK.
And no it wasn’t an arranged marriage because we courted for 2 years.

There are many times. My husband said that he will make sure he uses his last money to make sure this niece finishes from Uni and that he will bring the niece here in UK. He rained curses on me and compared me to her.

He keeps using my past experience and how I because a single mother to insult me. He was emotionally draining me.
I’m still young and I know I deserve better. I’m 31 and my son is 4 years old. Hubby is 36.
When we have activities and events to go to a family. Hubby cancels it. He also restricts my communication with his own family.

Because of the violence at home, my son started voicing it out wherever he goes.

I decided that this is the last straw and it’s time to let go of the marriage.
I
Our neighbours and police got involved. Police ordered my husband to pack his things to leave the house because the tenancy is only in my name (he moved into my flat)

The niece in question blocked me on her WhatsApp. None of my husband’s family members have called me to settle the matter.

If truly the said woman is his niece, at least they would have reached out to me or my parents to sort out the issue but not even 1 person from his family has reached out.

Most people thinks that maybe the niece is actually his wife in Nigeria waiting for him to sort out his documents and me on the other end may be his abroad wife that he wants to use to sort his documents.

I’m now focusing on myself, my son, my job and thinking of levelling up in my life/career.
I’m not interested in love, relationship and marriage for now. I need to heal from all the traumas.

I will be filing for divorce soon.

I do not maltreat this man in any way. We both contribute to the household bills. He is not transparent with me a lot of time. He’s too secretive. He isn’t willing to work as a team.
I do not put my responsibility as my son’s parent on him. Anything my son needs, I provide for him. I work full time and pay my own personal bills. I also do the groceries shopping and I also cook fresh meals for this man. I ensure he eats so well both physical food and in the other room.
Everyone that sees him can see the difference of how he used to be and how he is now.
He’s glowing, looking healthy and looks well taken care of.

Anyway life goes on.
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 11, 2023

Nothing.
He just woke up one day and said he was tired. Tired with two kids. Even with the physical abuse, I still wanted it to work, but bro said he was tired. He sent I and my kids out, collected all his properties and fabricated different lies about me just to get support from his people. The same family members I go down on my knees to beg him to assist. Some Men are heartless. I came back to Lagos with nothing, just myself and my kids. So I started from the scratch. Now, Uncle sees my pictures and achievement and he’s wowed, buh me, I can’t go back to a man that physically and verbally abused me. A man that impregnated his married ex while I was still married to him. A man that collected all he gave me, not minding that I’m going back to my aged parents. A man that insulted my family and called them wretched, forgetting how I started with him from the scratch with prayers and fasting. 🙂…..If you want to know a man, let him have money… It’s being 5 years and I thank God.
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 12, 2023

I met this guy, all loving, gentle and calm with me, he was broke so I stayed cause I loved him so much hoping things will change, I got pregnant he begged that I keep the baby, so I did, then trouble started his side chick called and threatened that I’ll die and also loose the baby, I was in another state and she was in his house, I was broken I called him he apologized and families settled it for us, that was the beginning, I was 6 months gone, I saw shege banza, cheating all the time, lying, abandoning me and the baby and clubbing with his side chicks and anytime I complain I’m too toxic, sleeping with a Neighbour In thesame building, ordering food for another and complaining of being broke while I look for who to borrow money from to cook, always checking my phone and looking for guys texting me, left the house later to start living with his friends, that he doesn’t make money when we’re together, let’s not forget when I let him he had nothing

He sold his car to pay rent, I will always go there to cook and buy foodstuff for him, he said he’s been broke for a while now and I should pray for him, I fasted and prayed, I visited a prophetess that said it’s because he’s sleeping with different girls, he should stick to one and see what will happen, then he called the prophet a liar that he wasn’t cheating on me at all, I saw someone else that said thesame thing, but he insisted until I got pregnant he started showing me his true color, I don’t want to mention the issues I had with his family members, they showed me hell, he won’t pay my baby’s fees, I have to call and beg him to send money and he’ll send when he feels like, he won’t even call her until I call for them to speak after I left him, well I’m a sexy single mom now with my baby girl, she’s 3, I’m 25 hoping to find love cause I’ve been shutting everyone out. It’s not easy but thank God For my family and his friend that has been helping me heal.

I have a personal business I run now, plus he won’t let me work, complained of every business idea I bring, it was tiring, I’m happy now I’m not where i want yet but I’m on my way
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 12, 2023

Good evening ma, please hide my identity. I was married for 18months. My story is a very long one. So I met this guy in jan 2019, we started dating, fast forward to march of that same year I found out I was pregnant for him. I told him and also told him I wanted to terminate the pregnancy. But this guy begged me not to do it and instead asked me to marry him. I wasn’t really feeling this guy but I felt age was no longer on my side and my family on the other hand was pressurizing me to bring a man home. And so I accepted to marry him and that was the worse decision of my life, because that was how I made a decision that almost ruined me completely.

I never loved this guy not for one second because I was still getting to know him. But then I thought if I married him I could grow in love with him, but then i got it all wrong. A lot happened during the preparation for the wedding, but then I foolishly ignored those signs. We got married Oct that same year.

One month into the marriage I started seeing things that made me realised I had made the worse decision of my life. Diff people would approach me on the street just to tell me my ex husband was owing them money. On this faithful day I decided to spice on his phone and I got the most shocking revelation of my life. He sent a message to someone begging her for money and then told her I had fibroid which was a big lie, and that doctor said I needed to be operated on. In quote he said”please help me to save my wife’s life and that of our unborn child. Then I was already like 5months gone. I was shocked by that message, the funny thing is that he sent that same message to one other person. I confronted him, we quarrelled over it , he wasn’t even remorseful about it. I did the right thing by confronting one of those persons he sent that message to and told her it was all a lie and a ploy to get money from her and her husband.

Funny thing is she confirmed to that he actually sent her that Message. That one passed. Subsequent times I would receive calls from unknown callers stating that I am a guarantor to my ex husband. And that I should tell him to pay up his depths. On this fateful day the landlord to the compound that was next to mine came to knock on my door looking for my ex husband. And when I asked what was the problem, the man told that my ex husband borrowed a certain amount of money from him stating that he wants to give me the money to start up a business.

There and then I told the man that was a lie and that my ex husband has never discussed anything of such with me. To crown it all my ex husband abandoned I and my baby leaving us to suffer in the hands of his creditors. I was dragged to a community Secretariat, because someone called me case, reason been that they say I was an accomplice and that they needed me to provide the whereabout of my ex husband, I was humiliated.

So many other of his creditors came looking for him, I was practically humiliated ona daily basis, I had sleepless nights with my child because some of this creditors would come to knock on my door past midnight because they believed I was hiding him and covering up for him. I woke up one day and carried my child and ran out of town for fear of been arrested, beaten, or humiliated over a crime I knew nothing of. I remember while I was still under his roof several times we would quarell over everything ranging from our baby’s food,to actual food in the house, to pampers etc… And so i decided I was fed up and I left him. And up till date I have been the only one shouldering our daughters needs. He hasn’t seen his daughter since God knows when, he doesn’t call to check up on her , I alone am responsible for our daughters welfare. I had to cut this whole story short. This is my story and I hope ladies get to learn one or two from my story.
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 12, 2023

Married for 10months, he was a perfect man, calm, smart, reserved but a mummy’s boy, He told his mom everything that happened in our marriage, he always supported his mom even when she’s wrong, though we lived together with his mom, His mom controlled everything, My MIL never visited me while I was in the hospital after I delivered my baby through CS and my husband saw nothing wrong with that, I spent 14days in the hospital, I came back home my MIL never cared for my baby and I and my husband saw nothing wrong with that, I suffered,that period was hell for me because we quarrelled almost everyday, I was loosing my mind, I wasn’t healing properly I felt I was going to lose my life or my baby’s, I left with my 1month old baby, my husband or MIL never called me, 2months after I left him he came back to his senses and promised to make things right but unfortunately he died 😭
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 12, 2023

Dated for 8 years, traditionally married for a year, but I had to let go because his sister won’t let me have peace. She said she wants to know everything that happens in our marriage.
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ReplyMarch 12, 2023

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Anonymous
ReplyMarch 12, 2023

My husband was a cheat and a liar. He even had an affair with a married woman with two kids, a woman I considered my sister. I literally introduced them to each other.

He stopped providing for our kids, was a drug addict and alcoholic. He’d abuse me in front of my kids both emotionally and physically.

He finally left for the UK last month without telling his kid or I and has also not been providing for them. Very irresponsible!

We separated last year but he was still living in my house (parent’s house for that matter). We were married for 13 years, separated but not divorced. Will divorce him once I have good money.
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 12, 2023

My husband was a cheat and a liar. He even had an affair with a married woman with two kids, a woman I considered my sister. I literally introduced them to each other.

He stopped providing for our kids, was a drug addict and alcoholic. He’d abuse me in front of my kids both emotionally and physically.

He finally left for the UK last month without telling his kid or I and has also not been providing for them. Very irresponsible!

We separated last year but he was still living in my house (parent’s house for that matter). We were married for 13 years, separated but not divorced. Will divorce him once I have good money.

We have two kids.
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 12, 2023

He told me he was divorced and they have two children and she’s in Canada, found out it’s a lie, they are still together, they have four children and she’s in the same town with me, so he would say he is going on a business trip meanwhile he is going to see her then also he has two children with two different women, one of the baby mamas is in the same town with me and his other wife

Married for two years and we have one child
Ohhhhhhh before I forget he is a pathological liar and a miser, literally hides money inside shoe
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 12, 2023

We separated cos of domestic violence which started after traditional marriage. We were married for 7 years but I was never happy. He was not supportive at any point. Did 4 IVFs with my money without any form of support. All failed. He keeps hitting me. I left severally but always persuaded to return. But he finally moved out of the house one night when I was away for work. Came back and met my sitting room empty. He packed everything he used his money to buy in the house. Even the one we bought together. He carried sachet tomatoes, rice, cooking pot, spoons, plate cups. I was free from beating. I was really hurt despite that I was not enjoying the marriage as I provided for myself all through. I sacrificed my money, time and energy. Even my body cos going through IVF 4 times was not moimoi. Thank God now as I feel ok now. It’s gonna be 1 year April next month. Most people still don’t know we weren’t together anymore

No children. He hated me more cos of that
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 12, 2023

Domestic violence, adultery ( he had children in the marriage), irresponsible behavior. We were married for 21 years and separated over 2 years ago. Not yet legally divorced
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 12, 2023

This is long but would make it short
Was married for 6years, he moved out a few days to our sixth anniversary. He left me with a 3year old daughter. He said I was proud and disrespectful. Told his family that I poisoned him because he was diagnosed of food poisoning a few months to him moving out. We only have sex when he wants to. Never contributed a dime to the upkeep of the family nor that oh his daughter because I paid all bills (rent, clothing, food, phones, data, airtime etc just name all the adult bills in Lagos, Nigeria). He borrows and I pay back the borrowed funds. As far as there is money he never cared how I got the money. Was disrespectful to my parents and family. And every time I complained, it’s tells me “they told me not to marry you but I didn’t listen”.
Don’t get wrong I also have my share of the blames. For instance I didn’t let him be the man as I run to his rescue every time he is unable to afford a bill. You see I earn about 5times what he earns and I think it bruised his ego.

I begged for him to come back using every resources and everyone around me because I didn’t want to be a single mom. I had a very responsible single life but I guess marriage is not for everyone.

As for me I am bent on giving my daughter the best. And probably find a sperm donor when I can afford another child. Marriage left a bad taste because no physical abuse but the emotional abuse and verbal abuse get PhD.
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 12, 2023

So sad!

I actually separated from my husband last year. We have no kids.
He stopped me from working.
Never trusted me.
He was a control freak.
He controlled my every move, down to my post on social media.
Never hestitates to abuse me at every given opportunity
He goes through my phone and said I should never password my phone(which was never a problem for me)
He wanted me to change all my social media accounts
He wanted me to do the laundry without sourcing for help outside meanwhile I always go to his shop every day from Monday to Saturday by 8am to 7:30pm and even when we got married someone was helping to do them.
I Stopped talking to my friends because he wanted me to.
It was just a whole lot that I can’t mention here.
It got so bad that at the end of the day, I opted out.
It wasn’t fr a divorce but at the end, he wasn’t interested anymore and we went our
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 12, 2023

Met this guy in 2018 good looking and nice guy ,we kick started everything ! Along the line I noticed that his d..k won’t stand or anything ! So I got worried but somehow ,he convinced me that he was find we kept pushing until he proposed on my birthday in July the next year ! December 2020 we did our trad and white was Jan 2021 ,the real issue started we couldn’t do anything at all ,his dick won’t stand ! Plus he had diabetics ! Had a lot of bp and sugar issues ! The erection became so bad that through out last year 2022 we never had sex even for a day ! I became so depressed ! And annoyed and bitter !

I married this guy against my parents will because they didn’t want me to marry him .All of these things ,he was so financially stable to treat his health issues we had to keep going to his parents for money to treat himself ! It was hell ! I got frustrated ,and depressed ! His health issues ,the Plus we barely had money to even do anything ! I was married but living single ! Flash back to when we were dating I got so worried that I asked him that we need to have sex so I can be sure ! He will always lie that his okay , one day he even told me that his parents were aware of him keeping himself and that he didn’t want sex before marriage ! But within me I knew sth was off ,I just didn’t know how to call it off ! I had fought my people cos of him and I was wondering how I would go back to my parents.

While in that marriage , I felt so stupid cos I knew he had this issues but the lies he told me plus I didn’t want to be mocked made me stay ! It was hard to leave ! Ahhh being in a sexless marriage was hell , I started to cheat on him at a point because I was almost going crazy ! We didn’t have sex at all the one we managed the erection was bad we were struggling ,I was dealing with womb watchers ,dealing with these issues I was getting more depressed!

So at a point I had to let his Parents know what was going on ! Told them ! His own people knew all along they were helpful and encouraging but it wasn’t enough ! Being a sexless marriage is depressing ! Well this January I told my self it was a new year I can’t countinue like this I left the marriage but his parents understood with me and were so kind ! They felt my pain and said I had tried is not easy ! It was that bad !so I left this January my bride price been returned and the divorce is in view !he is a good guy no doubts but marriage without sex and some crazy lies is hell ! Ahhh I was dealing with a whole lot ! That’s why I said to me all of these no sex before marriage I will never try it anymore !

The Bible needs to give us a solution if u enter a marriage with an impotent man who lied to u what should we do ?same Bible said divorce is a sin ! It was hurtful mehn ! I left cos I was almost going crazy ! Plus most of his diabetic drugs even kills his erection more and he needs these drugs to survive !

To leave for my sanity ! I truly don’t miss him cos we don’t share any intimate memories at all ! All I did know was he was a good person but that experience has really affected me ! My parents were understandably kind to accept me back ,now here at 31 single again ! Hoping on God it hurts me more cos I did the right thing stayed away from sex before marriage now this ,I left school a virgin hoping to enjoy sex with my hubby only to marry a man who can’t keep an erection who lied to me ! It is well ! 31 and single again !

My advise to ladies after my experience just make sure u are certain about a man down there before u marry him cos look at me who kept myself and still divorced ! Life is hard ! I have left 🙏the marriage and we intend to dissolve it mutually ! Cos it was an agreed decision for us both to dissolve it
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 12, 2023

I was married for a year and 10 months. My ex husband is a pathological liar an abusive person and a chronic womanizer. In summary, he has multiple personality disorder. I left because his lies and abuses were too much. The shocker for me was when he took me to his family house for the first time (mind you he lied to me that his mom was in UK for omugwo, reason why I never got to visit before the wedding) and I got the insult of my life from his mom and siblings all because of the lie he told them. The sister who was abused by her late husband, had the nerve to say I was lying about being beaten up and the mom saw nothing wrong in him being abusive. Omo! I had to run for my dear life, because it was obvious that the entire family was dysfunctional. It’s been 3 years and I am grateful to God.
Thank God I miscarried and have no baby from that hell of a marriage.
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 18, 2023

Married for 4yrs, she left, ask to go see a parent one day, I booked a flight for her, and even drove her to the airport myself. Only for her to call to say she is not coming back, not even to resume work. No fight, no abuse, no nothing. Her father called that, I’m too poor to marry his daughter.

When we married 4years earlier though, I had more than it takes to marry her. Well, a month after she left all the contracts and payments from clients that were pending, all dropped almost at the same time. Push to go get her back but my mom said I should not since I did not chase her out, Efcc case suddenly disappeared, and even my health was restored without any medical intervention.

A year later she asked that I waybill her things and I did. She ask that I should give her money that she needs a car or I should send the one I gave in the marriage, I sent her 6m, only for her to return it. She later called that I should Thank my mom and her stupid prayers
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 18, 2023

Once they are divorced, his visa will be rescinded. Thank God she was wise not to have a child for him. Would have been messy.

This thing is a lot more common than people talk about.

Had a very similar situation happen to me. I was engaged to the guy, but I found out a few months to our wedding. His whole family was in on scamming me and his “sister” was really his wife, waiting on him getting visa.

6 years later, it still hurts sha. Still cry about it once in a while.
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 21, 2023

I actually separated from my husband last year. We have no kids.
He stopped me from working.
Never trusted me.
He was a control freak.
He controlled my every move, down to my post on social media.
Never hestitates to abuse me at every given opportunity
He goes through my phone and said I should never password my phone(which was never a problem for me)
He wanted me to change all my social media accounts
He wanted me to do the laundry without sourcing for help outside meanwhile I always go to his shop every day from Monday to Saturday by 8am to 7:30pm and even when we got married someone was helping to do them.
I Stopped talking to my friends because he wanted me to.
It was just a whole lot that I can’t mention here.
It got so bad that at the end of the day, I opted out.
It wasn’t fr a divorce but at the end, he wasn’t interested anymore and we went our
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 21, 2023

Mine left in April last year too oh. This one packed a lot too even up to pillows and bed sheets. Before I came back he was gone leaving me to take care of two children aged 4 and 2 alone. Next month will make it one year as well.
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 21, 2023

Thank you so much for all that you do! You’re one big sister that I cherish. I left my ex boyfriend cause he cheated severally. Haven’t dated for 2 years. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t leave because cheating seem like a norm these days! but with these messages I’m seeing, I think I made the right decision. A broken relationship is truly better than a broken marriage. You page ia always an eye opener!!! God bless you 🙏🏾 ❤️
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 21, 2023

11 years of marriage with 3 kids. He left to marry his ex.
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 21, 2023

11 years of marriage with 3 kids. He left to marry his ex.married for 6 years with 2kids, it’s barely 1year after our separation, nigur is already married… thank God I left else Na my corpse my parents for come carry, it’s not easy but well, thank God I am living….
I hope I find love one day 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 21, 2023

Domestic violence and every other form of abuse soon followed. I left and filed for divorce three years later. Happier now.
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 21, 2023

We were married for 6yrs. He was a smoker, a drunkard and then went into drugs. Later on, he added masturbation and borrowing from credit agencies. His family knew all these and kept me out, expecting me to continue to feed and clothe him. He later started selling our stuff and after two attempts to leave which was settled, by the third time, I left for good, with a six month pregnancy of my second child. It’s been two years now and though a single mom of two, the peace I have in my heart and soul is sublime.
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 21, 2023

20months,caught him with his mistress in our home, I have been trying to find my foot in life since then, bcos it is as if life is not fair with me
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 21, 2023

My ex is in the process of moving out because of his mother and I am pregnant and set to give birth in 2 months. Have been together for 3 years.
Anonymous
ReplyMarch 21, 2023

Looking back, the marriage was more based on what we thought it should… we focused so much on the actual wedding rather than the marriage… we became married but single each person doing their own thing…. after 15 years i decided to walk away… the relationship became toxic… living in the same house and not speaking for months… I really don’t think we were in love with each other, rather in love with the notion of marriage, the title e.g. Mrs Somebody… I pray we both do things differently next time and fine genuine, Godly, true love..

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