What’s keeping you in marriage?

Life Experiences, Sex and Relationships, Weddings

What’s keeping you in marriage?

by Ngozi AbiolaDecember 3, 2022December 3, 202242

Contrary to popular belief people stay with their partners for alot of other reasons apart from love. Out of curiosity we’re asking our tribe “what’s keeping you in your marriage/relationship”?

We’d love to read your answers and your views on this topic. Don’t forget you can post your answers as anonymous.

Please share your answers in the comments 👇🏾

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Tags: love, marriage, Relationship

Comments (42)

Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

I don’t have enough money to be a single mom .the moment I get enough money to japa for myself and my son , I won’t look back. We are both unhappy. So he is cheating keeping late night but he provides so am expected to ignore and keep mute
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

From my previous response. Hubby and I comes from a different background. Life was hard for his family so his approach to life is very simple. I’ve learnt alot from him since we started dating and the fact that he is my source of inspiration 🥰. We always celebrate each other wins. In him I’ve found a best friend, big brother and gist partner 🤣🤣🤣🤣.
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

I chose right
You know when Yoruba say O ni shi ileya
Yeah I did not Shi ileya
I’m so happy I said yes to him and happy I’m doing this with him
My marriage is not public some people don’t know I’m married as we had a private wedding…

We recently relocated and this man did everything for me I no even get money🤦‍♀️
I’m a broke ass baby girl with a very decent account balance

He is everything and I’m here to stay like with my Apoti
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

I chose right
You know when Yoruba say O ni shi ileya
Yeah I did not Shi ileya
I’m so happy I said yes to him and happy I’m doing this with him
My marriage is not public some people don’t know I’m married as we had a private wedding…

Been really and deeply loved is keeping me. The fact that I have someone that I mean a lot to,that my happiness means a lot to,that would look out for me in every situation,sure ATM🤗,peace of mind. All of this is and more is keeping me…. I am genuinely happy🤗I AM LOVED EVEN DESPITE TGE FACT THAT I AM THE OPPOSITE OF MY HUBBY( he’s quiet). But he loves me the way I am. I wouldn’t have asked for a better ADE ORI…. OGBENUTAN MAN OF MINE❤️
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

Yes I am very happy,
I married my bestfriend and all in one, I know why God delayed my marital bliss till 29yrs… Ms aso-ebi no cap this man is not perfect but he is supportive and intentional about me, he takes feedback so severe.
I am lucky to have him as my hubby and Yes we have misunderstandings but we sort it out ASAP when my coconut head is soft, he does almost all the house chores because i support the house financially too but not necessary…This man has never cheated on me (as it should be), I have not worked since January (due to child birth) but my bank account keeps getting fat, I am sexually satisfied, we are relocating in January…Love, Friendship, God, and lots more is keeping us going and I am grateful to God!
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

I’m married to the most amazing man!! My heart is full and I’m super grateful. When I told me Mum I wanted my marriage to be heaven on earth I never even imagined it could be this blissful. This man is Kind, thoughtful, caring, understanding, supportive and the list goes on. He’s my definition of perfection. I can never imagine doing life with anyone else. We’re rarely fight but even when a misunderstanding happens we’re both willing to listen to each other
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

Honestly It wasn’t easy initially, infact I remember after like 6 months of marriage I was still settling down with living with someone else so one day we had a misunderstanding ( I was still trying to understand him then) and I said I wasn’t doing again and I was about 2 months pregnant, I told him to call his parents that I said I am interested in the marriage again, after I was done ranting…This man looked at me and said “He wasn’t joking about the vow,when he said till death do us part and divorce was never an option” he went in to sleep and honestly I cried my eyes out because na me kuku start the ijogbon…that was the last time we had such misunderstanding! Not like it has always been rosey but he took it upon himself to make it blissful…2 years down and I have no regrets whatsoever
PS: he is a first born and I am a last born.
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

To be honest, I dont even know what is keeping me here…I’m so unhappy
Maybe it’s because my baby is just nine months or because my mom and few people keep talking about having all your children by one man…I dont know what to do but I hope it gets better, if it doesn’t, I’m out
Cos I think he is also unhappy talking about he married the wrong person! Well, I told him the feeling was mutual! I dont feel loved, cared for, havent had sex since I found out I was pregnant…this is no marriage!
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

Praying for it is the way. When my man came he was everything I prayed for and more. We both Thank God for each other. I’ve just been wondering how I’ve lived without him in the picture. If this love I’m experiencing is a dream, I really don’t wanna wake up from it
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

My husband is a good man. I will never be able to explain…it’s the first time a man is caring for me genuinely.
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

It’s one of my best decisions till date. 9 months in and no regrets. My husband compliments me in ways I didn’t know. In the areas I’m weak, he’s strong and vice versa. We just moved to a Canada and my husband has been everything. From landing ahead of me to get everything ready so it’s easy for me, for him sacrificing and getting a job first so I can take my time to get my dream job. 3 months in and I got a mind blowing, well paying job in my dream role in Canada and I owe this to my husband, he ensured I got what I wanted and didn’t settle for less. We have our times where we quarrel, we are not perfect but we take time to settle issues. We also pray together everyday and I noticed since we started this, the quarrels have reduced. I have never ever doubted being a priority in his life. He’s transparent with everything down to every kobo, he also does all the house chores (I’m kuku lazy when it comes to that) though he doesn’t know how to cook well, so I do that.

Good men exist, you just have to believe and pray towards it.
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

Basically here for the kids
Our foundation was rusty with his family members meddling all the time
Anyway I put everybody in their space eventually
Now that family issues is gone I have caught him chatting with different women
He claims he’s not sleeping with anyone but then I am no phone
Currently his phone has a password I do not know
Also he locked his whatsapp
Tells me if I see his chat with female friends I won’t handle it well
Bottom line it’s either I love you or I don’t
The love isn’t there anymore
I am tired but I know when it hits me it’s either I leave with the kids or he fixes up
Still typed a long note yesterday which should be sent to him to bare my feelings but I changed my mind.
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

4 years in with 2 beautiful children, but am tired, rilly tired, is it possible to go on a break while still married, spoke to my husband about this one time, but he didn’t seem to understand me. Recently I found myself talking alot with the opposite gender, is this OK? Nothing intimacy just talking, sometimes I wished we where dating or in an open marriage, marriage is stressful biko 😩, I married a good man sha.
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

I’m staying in the relationship cos he shows me he loves me but I Dnt love him back, and I’m just scared cos if I leave him I may never find someone that will love me like that again…I just wish I can bring myself to love him
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

He is kind, though he has coconut head🙄. I love my son and him genuinely, so far I have no regrets marrying him. I pray God continues to lead us through this journey called marriage in love, joy and understanding.
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

My child basically❤️……please to everyone out there please don’t marry a Man who was raised by a single parent, they never experience or know how to LOVE
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

I am a testimony of this beautiful love!! My husband is super supportive and loving to the brim!! I’m currently pregnant and my husband is even more concerned and worried about the safety of the baby and me more than I do, since I’ve had a miscarriage prior! He has even decided that he’s not risking having s€x until we confirm that it’s safe. And no, he’s not cheating or getting ‘it’ from elsewhere. He is a man with principle and values the idea of marriage, love and family. I am extremely blessed that I married this man! Considering that I bin dey do shakara when he first started talking to me lol 😅. I love him so much and I can say for sure that he loves me even more!!

There are so many negative stories out there regarding marriages, but those stories doesn’t speak for all marriages at all! There are good people out there whose ideologies and values matches yours, I just hope people realize when they find such people! Love is beautiful, marriage/family is beautiful.
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

Very very stressful indeed. Sometimes, I just want to run away for a few days. Just be me as a human being. Not a wife, not a mother, not an in-law. Just be me. Take a little break. I’m not happy right now. I’m stressed and bored. Perhaps if I had friends where we reside, it would have helped.
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

Honestly fear of moving on and also raising my child alone, but then again we are planning on relocating once we get there and settle down well and I get a stable job,I may just ask him for a divorce.
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

Been dating for 3 years now I’m sincerely happy and in love with him. Haven’t seen someone who cares and loves me this much. We have our fights oo but I love him more cos we’re both willing to grow and learn. Just that he’s not seeing marriage as an option now. And I’m 28 years he’s 27 he says he hasn’t gotten very comfortable to start a family. Sometimes I’m scared that I’m wasting my time and I wanna leave other times he sweeps me off my feet and make me love him more. I’m so confused so I’m still here since love is here. Cos dunno if there’s gonna b anyone who’s willing to love and understand me. And omo true love these days is scarce like jobs. I went tru tears before I met him and since then I’ve been so grateful.
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

I can’t even say if this is me! Some days are so great! Other days are just really frustrating! Just tired of the back and forth. I love him, but he’s always making references to things that i did in the past and even in our marriage, even though he says he’s forgiven me, he never fails to bring it up when we have an issue. Somedays are so great you would even awwwwwnnnn, other days!!! Just emotionally draining 😥
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

MsAsobi this would be so long maybe u can read when ure free. hmm I’m staying cos he’s literally everything a woman wants, especially providing and taking care of the family, loving, respect and treating me as his no.1 queen.
We lack nothing at all. Absolutely nothing. But hmm except for our sex life, we’ve been married for 3 yrs now and we only had sex in total of 3 times. Only 3 times o. Hmm.
One was in 2020 and the two was in 2021 which we did bcos we wanted to start a family.
And this year nothing.
It’s all from his mind and he’s always lazy to initiate sex. I’m alsways the one initiating sex.
We went to hospital to check why he doesn’t get hardons regularly but everything is fine according to docs and tests. Most problems is especially when he’s stressed from work bcos he’s an entrepreneur, then it’s like months will go without seeing any sign of hardons from him. He loves me and everything and tells that all the time.. he’s always affectionate with me in terms of kisses every morning and night on daily basis but no sex. He’s either tired, or stressed from work or lazy. Hmm I’m suffering o. I’m always the one initiating, wearing sexy outfits and lingeries to get his attention or for him to have an urge for me or something but nothing turns him on. Nothing I do. And i get all the compliments from outside men or on social media through my dms. He knows I’m a hot cake, but he’s not getting turned on by me or to initiate love making with me. Recently, he told me I should ‘try harder’ in terms of changing his mindset to get turned on for me .. I’m like how? I do everything a woman can possibly do to get any man’s attention. Even uses dildos infront of him to get him in the mood, cos he even said that might turn him on or gets him in the mood but nothing. He will enjoy seeing me play with myself but nothing from his side would turn him on.. just mesmerized by what I’m doing to myself to please myself. Plus, I’m not into this sex toys stuff to pleasure myself, I just want my man all over me in my wild thoughts.
Even before marriage, the sex was 15% ok. But bcos he had the other qualities I accepted to marry him and manage the little sex we had here n there and eventually it’ll get better ‘they say’. But it actually became no sex at all. Sometimes I feel like he’s so comfortable..
i dunno what to do. I also have needs. Sometimes I go into my dms just to read comments or texts from other guys who are lusting for me just to make me feel good as a woman. Ofcourse I don’t plan on cheating on him, but how long can this go on.?
I forgot to mention that, I even got him bitter kola nut powder to prepare as tea for him to get him in the mood, forever living tablets for men that will give them lasting hard on or in the mood. He takes all of those and others, but nothing happens from his side. Like nothing.
What should we do? I was recommending him for us to go visit a sex therapist or a therapist in general since it’s all purely mental, but he’s always occupied and busy with work as usual.
Work work work, and making sure we don’t lack anything ate his main priority and focus which I get it, it’s great but how about our sex life? Hmmmm how do people manage this sexless in their marriage, ? 😭😭😭😭😭
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

I am unhappy. He’s controlling, he think he’s perfect. He doesn’t admit he’s wrong in anyway. I don’t fee loved I have tried to let him know how I feel but he doesn’t take it serious. He prefer to go out with his friends than me. This year make it 5y of our marriage 2 beautiful daughters. I love him so much but still waiting if he’ll change.
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

So I didn’t want to stay in my parent’s house anymore because they were stressing me financially. I was depressed. This guy came and he happens to be the best guy I’ve been with. He wanted to get married, I got pregnant and I married him. He loves me, I love him. Marriage is stressful but sometimes I wish I had waited and still stayed single a little longer before I got married. I feel I’m burdened with taking care of my child. I’m stressed psychologically, most times I wish I was alone without having to answer to anybody but myself 🚶🏾‍♀️🚶🏾‍♀️. I know I’ll be happier single and just dating him.
P.s he’s not a bad person o…he loves me, doesn’t cheat, takes of me and our child but I’ve not felt like myself in a long while
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

Tbh I don’t even know 😩. There are signs why I should leave. People have advised me to leave. But I’m still there. Love? Fear? Thinking about the time we’ve spent together and I don’t want it to be a waste(5 years)? I really don’t know why I’m still here even when I’m fed up. 😢😢😢
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 3, 2022

Yes I’m happy, the best relationship I have ever had.
Coming from a broken marriage with 2kids this man his brushing me up to be a woman who can dependently pick up her bills. Enrolled me for masters, facilitated my membership into professional bodies within my field. And yes with God and him I got a job with one of the polytechnic turned university in lagos state as a lecturer.
My growth is his priority, he is my friend and he just want to see me win. I’m utmostly grateful for the gift of him in my life, yes we fight but we settle it as it should be. I say it, he has set a standard for me on how a woman should be treated by a man and I’m never compromising on that standard if I have to remarry, surprised🙄. As sweet has he his, we ain’t getting married he’s got a family outside Nigeria, so we are basically there for each other. He accords me my respect and he’s journeying down this lane with me with all of him. Ms_asoebi this man too sweet. We would be a year together this Dec.

Not trying to make excuses here or there, he his far more better at home with his wife and kids than he his to me I must confess.
Just like I said his family don’t reside here in Nigeria, he his a professor who earns his living here in Nigeria the reason why this relationship is in existence even while at it we both know what it is and we are both never going against that. I’d just say his type are rare. Not trying to make excuses for him but believe me he his a thoughtful and kind man everywhere.
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 4, 2022

Been married for 6 years and it’s been a hell of a bumpy ride. He cheats with reckless abandon to the extent of impregnating another lady. We’ve discussed getting a divorce but neither of us have made a move towards it. We barely talk. All that binds us together is our kids. We’ve had sex just 2ce this year. He thinks providing and making money is all that makes a home. He’s emotionally and physically unavailable. I’ve fasted, I’ve prayed, We’ve dialogued… it is just not working. I’m not able to walk away because I’m not financially capable and because of our kids. I really wish I could turn back the clock and erase the day I met him.
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 4, 2022

My hope for this discussion is that women who are unhappy in their relationships see posts of those who are happy and know they are worthy of such experiences.

I left my marriage with a 10 month old baby, but the man I have now is everything I wished for in a partner and I feel sooo blessed to have him. I’m glad I made the decision to leave my ex back then because that allowed me to have a love I’ve only read about or imagined.

Ladies, life is too short to live in misery. Take charge of your happiness in life, and do so respectfully. If you have children, think about ensuring they are in a toxic free and loving environment. Your happiness will do wonders on the well-being of your child. ❤
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 4, 2022

Lagos rent ooo with two kids..thou I have a job and a striving business….but I pay the bills.. we stay in his father’s house so the rent is fee… I am scared to add accommodation to my bills.
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 4, 2022

My kids are the reason why am still trapped in this marriage. I need a stable job so I can provide for them if I eventually leave. I have been unhappy and depressed for years but still, cover it up with smiles. Nobody knows how unhappy I am in my marriage not even a single member of my family.
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 4, 2022

Marriage is hard and a lot of stress. Me and my husband have been together for 8 years and married for 2 years with two kids. This year we got close to getting a divorce because we couldn’t resolve our conflicts. It was tough but we prayed and called on God to intervene. I can tell you today that I am very happy in my marriage. It feels like my husband is a new person. The love and togetherness is amazing. He is annoying and not perfect but he is exactly who I want and what I prayed for.
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 4, 2022

Yes , when I got married I had a plan B because all I wanted was to be happy but at the same time I was too scared of all I have been gisted about marriage and seen too so I gave myself a month in my heart 😂😂😂 now I am 13 years married and really happy. He allows me do a lot to achieve my goals my kids knows he doesn’t joke with me and we are best of friends. As a woman when I hear men cheat and not to be trusted 💯 I get scared and act suspicious but we have had best relationships so far , I have never caught him cheat talkless of acting suspicious and I tend to give myself peace . We have our cat and rat fight but they have never been beyond our control . He loves me and he shows it well, even his female colleagues called him woman wrapper a time , he felt bad, he gisted me and we both laughed about it , we plan together and do stuffs together. We both identifies our strength and make use of it. I even help him sometimes edit some official note . Sincerely “God has been kind to me 🙏🙏🙏
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 4, 2022

We have been together for 3 years, I’m 28…started dating him when I was 25…thought we would have settled by now…but he had some financial challenges about a year plus into our relationship and since then he hasn’t recovered. He loves me a lot…but I’m honestly getting tired..I have been praying for things to get better for him…nobody wants to help him…everyone has abandoned him…I know he is depressed…I still love him but it’s fading…because I’m tired 😓 of waiting and him taking from the very little I have because I haven’t started earning fully. My Family is not so comfortable..so me dealing with that and him is not what I need now. Honestly don’t know what to do? Should I keep praying, believing and being patient or leave. 😞
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 4, 2022

I am not sure what I feel anymore,my happiness is just an illusion filled with sadness and confusion,I am still in this marriage because I don’t want to break the bond between my kids and their father,he loves them way too much,he cheated on me,the first he did,I was quick to forgive and let go,he promised it won’t happen again,but it happened again,it annoys me because he doesn’t even match my sexual energy,I am finding it hard to forget it this time,the emotional attachment is lost and I don’t want to leave him.
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 4, 2022

The bride that you posted praying for a vendor. That girl showed my friend in her marriage. She did everything to try to ruin their marriage. My friend moved to UK with her daughters and her husband was in Lagos and moved during COVID. This girl moved into the house with this man. She is married now and I wish her the same things she caused my friend.
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 4, 2022

This girl’s story.. They get married and think we have forgotten. That was how she worked her way up in Sahara and moved to Sahara abuja. Slept with every man possible at work.
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 15, 2022

My kids, right now I’m tired of talking so I just turn a blind eye to his actions. No one can correct him, instead of apologizing he’ll keep malice for as long as forever. I regret listening to my mum to give birth to a second child to keep my first daughter company incase I decide to leave. He no longer hides his cheating and still expects me to be calm and cool with it. No sexual attraction anymore, no companionship, no friendship, all discussions are centered on the children. I’ve been living in regret just hanging on because of the girls (2). Trying to gather funds to Japa with the children
Ikiriere Diepreye
ReplyDecember 15, 2022

My kids, we’ve been together for 5 years and I’m sick tired like I’ve given up, right now I’m tired of talking so I just turn a blind eye to his actions. No one can correct him, instead of apologizing he’ll keep malice for as long as forever. He feels he’s perfect because he helps with the house chores and carrying the children but full of pride. I feel neglected and when I try to communicate how I feel to him he doesn’t listen, I regret listening to my mum to give birth to a second child to keep my first daughter company incase I decide to leave. He no longer hides his cheating, calls here and there, travelling without prior notices, condoms here and there and he give excuses to have sex with me and still expects me to be calm and cool with it. The last time I confronted him about his sexual escapedes he was justifying himself. I’m no longer turned on by him, No sexual attraction, we can’t stay in the same place without pressing iurphone, we have nothing to communicate about, no companionship, no friendship, all discussions are centered on the children. I’ve been living in regret just hanging on because of the girls (2). Trying to gather funds to Japa with the children
Anonymous
ReplyDecember 15, 2022

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Anonymous
ReplyDecember 16, 2022

I’m three months in and I realised that everything was a lie, My husband is a serial cheat and we dated for two years and half I never caught him cheating, I’m trying not to blame myself but I should have been more vigilant. He takes care of me but other than that he’s not around, I always have to beg to hang out with him , I’m pregnant so I’m very emotional and I feel so lonely cause I moved from my entire family to be here with him, I think I rushed cause I was pregnant. I’m hoping things get better cause if they don’t I just have to find a way for myself and my baby

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