Toxic parents/siblings

by Ngozi AbiolaMay 28, 2022June 1, 202238

We asked our community their worst experience with having toxic parents/siblings and they shared their stories with us. Read their experiences in the comments below.👇🏾

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Comments (38)

Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

I suffer from mental health issues and for 10years i went for treatment alone,my father said my illness isn’t physical so it doesn’t matter to him , while i was living at home he’d wake me up early mornings to run errands knowing full well my medication knocks me out and i need to sleep it off, he’d even shout about the fact that i’m not succeeding like my peers,my mum never cared either once i was diagnosed that was it God forbid her child sees a psychiatrist so off i went alone to get treatment ,10 good years no family support, finally my doctor demanded their presence and they showed up i was asked to wait outside so i don’t know what his conversation with them was but they now call me regularly, PS i no longer live with them for my own sanity.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

My parents tried to force me to marry someone that was not good for me just because of their selfish interest and what they stand to gain. They stopped talking to me just because I refused to listen to them, they even stopped paying my fees. I told them the boy was toxic and they said I should bear just because of them and what the boy can do for them.
They even extended the hatred to my kid sister just because she supported me, they stopped calling both of us.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

I don’t know if to call it toxic but I still remember how my dad always told me that he can’t give me money to make my hair, that I should wait grow up and start working to make money then I can do whatever I liked with it, that for now it’s his money and he does what he likes with it and making my hair wasn’t part of what he likes. Up till now I still struggle to send him money, and anytime I hear anything that seems like him complaining to my siblings or mum, I remind tham that he said I could do whatever I wanted with my money when I start making one, and that what am doing. Am working on forgiving him sha.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

I have a toxic brother and truthfully the hatred has been in built, we fight verbally over everything…he is my elder brother but very rude and extremely toxic that no woman can stay with him, he is 38 yes old now and all his relationships have failed, they don’t last at all…We always settle fights till the girls go and he still hasn’t changed though I am married now and he can’t try rubbish with me or any of my siblings.
BTw we are 6 (5 girls and 1 boy).
His toxic attitude made him loose his ex wife whom he married not up to a year the girl left with his two children, one day he hit my mum and that was the height for me, we almost killed him that night but thank God we didn’t.
He is the most and still the most toxic human being I don’t ever pray for anybody I know to date or marry him…(Godforbid).
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

My mom always makes me feel lesser than my elder sis
Always comparing me to her saying I don’t behave like her, and always insults me
When she was having issues with my dad , she would tell me to talk to my dad (because he listens to me more)to settle the issues and whenever I try to talk to him he would tell me not to intervene that it not my business.
So because I stopped to intervene she once said I want to give my dad a wife that why I’m not bothered about their issues.
She makes it obvious that i don’t matter to her but shows more concerns about my siblings.she say things that makes me think she might not be my biological mother
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

Because of the abusive marriage, he went and lied to our then reverend and sectional leader and the man took his side against the decision of the elders in church and the next Sunday when we went to church my mom was humiliated and given back seat. My siblings and I cried that day in church, we left and went back home. The district leader heard about it and called my mom and the sectional leader and elders and they told their sides, he asked them to apologise to my mom and refute that decision, after everything we decided to stop going to the church and look for another church to attend. Some members were coming to beg my mom because she was an adult Sunday school teacher but she wasn’t bulging, then my Sunday school teacher came to visit me we were sitted outside the compound. Immediately my father saw him, he came straight to were we were sitted and tore my clothes, when my Sunday school teacher saw that he started asking him why he did that,he asked him to leave his house.I was 16
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

My mum usually calls me wicked and comes to my room in the night to accuse me of everything wrong in her life. When I was six because my body developed early , she accused me of letting my neighbours son to press me. When I was nine she accused me of sleeping with my dad’s politician friends. She even accused me of trying to do nasty things with my dad and brothers. She’s the reason I’m scared of my brothers and I had low self esteem.

Also my brother is toxic. He took something at school which damaged his head and when he came home he turned partially mad. He has fought and beat my mum, my other brother, me, my aunts and my uncles. Even at my dad’s burial he was still rude to my mum in front of everyone there..
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

My sister in her children’s face said I was barking like a dog… I don’t know why the memories won’t washed off… she will ask me if I will eat and right there she will bring the food and eat but will never give me
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

He has changed and has become my favourite sibling now tho. But the story was that I had just finished secondary school so my mum opened account for me and kept 5k inside. I had told my eldest brother about the money and he wanted me to lend him , so we drove to about 45 mins away from the house where bank was at the time to use atm, he collected my atm and I told him the pin, he was on a long queue and I was in the car , apparently when it got to his turn he had forgotten the pin and he was trying to call me on phone but I was on another call. Next thing I saw, he opened where I sat shouted at me then flung my atm to the floor. He then entered the driver’s part, as I came down to pick my atm, he closed the door and drove off. At the time my bag and phone was in the car because I only came down to pick my atm , and it was 45 mins from home, i also did not know how to use ATM at the time.

Long story short , I had to board a motorcycle and told him I was stranded , I got to my mums office she wasn’t there. So I told the motorcycle to take me to my mums shop where I eventually collected money to pay the bike man. I was 15 at the time. When my mum came and I told her . She weeped literally till date the incident hurts her
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

Toxic was my father! He was very harsh he would always say you will not find a good job like mine or you will not find a husband who will have a good job like mine when ever I do something wrong. He treated my brother and sisters better because they had better grades in schools while I chopped beating and got little pocket money, his defence was that I was following boys that was why i got lower grades. He was nice to outsiders ooo so if I complained it looked like I was ungrateful. In all I am grate i was able to tell him how his words and actions hurt me before he died . I found so much peace.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

My elder bro beats me at every chance he get & my parent would always side him.
At 25.. I still got beaten.
A day to my intro I almost got beaten.
My dad is late now but he so much appreciated the male child that I feel so less of myself.
Till date I so much dislike my elder bro. To him, he feels can beat anybody he is older than. I am sincerely wondering how he wunt beat his wife (He just got married in March).
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

Can’t recall any of my own story but My step mum almost burnt my elder brother with firewood from the wedding food she was cooking for him on his own wedding day. Mind you, he was her biological son.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

my dad has said the most awful things to me for being a sickle cell warrior…. it’s been years and they are all still fresh in my head
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

Mine is very long
Toxic Aunty: Haaaa! If this woman comes to my school(she doesn’t teach o) the whole of my school compound would go silent as grace yard. She was so harsh and the beatings and abusive words. It was like I don’t do anything right in their eyes and my only saving grace is the fact that I am intelligent on school(infact school was my escape). I suffer low self esteem, I can’t look people in their eyes till now.

Toxic cousins: Hmmmmmm…… there were 3 of them, my low self worth went to the depth. I started staying with them as a teenager(14-16) They made me feel ugly infact till now I hard see myself as beautiful. I don’t know if there were operating from envy but till now I can’t point what was in me that they can’t envy. Do we use to have a good time…..yes but mehn

I was in delta then ff after secondary to minna then Lagos

Toxic Mum: The worst of the worst(2012) My mum left me and my younger one to stay alone and together, we practically had to wait till she come (1-2wks) before we get food that sometimes we had to beg neighbors (she refused us from working to go learn an handwork) Till one day, we came in angry and said we should meet our dad, she can’t pay a dime anymore, and she vanish for 1 and half years Omo……I was so angry I told myself I will never call her to beg for a dime
I went to church and luckily my dad(though he wasn’t financially buoyant) came through, I paid rent and went to work, these woman came back when she heard my younger brother ran away from home and threw all my things outside(all my things into lawma) as an 18yrs old girl tell me, what was she expecting me to do but I thank God for God being so great, I had to beg a guy to house me and he never touched me one day (yes my brother was later found)

He has a knack for always running from home(now we know why, he is always smoking Indian hemp) I blamed my mum seriously! What about school, my mum refused to train any of us because she says nobody trained her!
Now,I am doing really good, I rented a 2bed here in Lagos. Pushing myself through school and having various streams of income
Among my friends and cousins I was the fool but to God be the glory, what I say nowadays is seen as wisdom
I still suffer from low self worth, especially in terms of relationships but I am praying to God to help me
Among my friends I intentionally go out of my way to please them and not be toxic cos I understand how it is

As for my mum, I have forgiven the hurt she had done, let go of the anger and no matter what she does now I overlook and pay hear with good instead cos I feel if I should blame her and judge her I would meet mine in the future and I don’t want to hurt my children, I don’t want them to smell what I pass through 😩😩😩
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

Hmmm thank you for this topic… I still haven’t forgiven my uncle and his wife since I was 10yo till I was in 100level in uni… U would think they r nice people but they do the unthinkable to me inside the house… Pour water into my ears when I wake up past 5am, make sure they call my teacher to beat me even if am not late to school always beating me at any slight mistake that my whole body will peel… My dad when I was 6 so my uncle took me in … M grateful my mum came to pick me if not I wouldn’t be where I am today
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

There are so many of them but I’m going to talk about the most painful ones
Almost removed one of my eye with blala cos he was flogging me aggressively and I was running from him. He ran after me and was flogging me from left to right till the koboko entered my left eye and he pulled it out with force. Thank God for his grace that I didn’t go blind after that
Second one was few years after wedding when I had my second baby and it was through Cs. (first too was (Cs). This man called three days after delivery and all he could tell me was
“shey me I’ve seen with my eyes.

That he used to warn me about the men coming for my hand in marriage when I was much younger but I didn’t listen to him and I was rushing my self. He believes one of those men caused me not to be able to have my kids through virginal delivery.(It’s ‘s a common belief in my side that any woman that can’t give birth naturally is under a spell of some sort but I know its all lies cos the doctors said I have a very small cervix)
That particular statement still hurts me till date cos I was in severe pains being that it was the second time and all I needed then was words of comfort not some sort of mockery and coming from my own biological father made it worse. The said baby is three years now but I still feel bad whenever I remember those words
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

My father said we were the reason he started smoking again and this man impregnated a woman for the second time after he moved to America. Lest I forget my mom is the sole reason he ever got to America. Oh also he wanted my and brother and I to give him our paychecks every-time we got it
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

I grew up with my dad’s half siblings and it was hell for me.
Any little opportunities they get,they call me all sorts of names like prostitute,thief and ugly pig.
They tell me to my face that I will never Amount to anything good in life….As a girl in secondary school then I feel so insecure,I dnt love myself at all and even as am married with 2 kids now I still feel and think am that ugly pig.
Am 32 years but I can’t get those childhood memory out of my head,the beating,insults and torture 😢 and it has made me not to feel good about myself
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

Very toxic first born got married and gossips about the remaining siblings to our mum.. always painting us bad.. called us witches and prostitutes that that’s the reason we are not married.. mocks us but mumu is in a toxic marriage.. she married a lazy ass gold digger
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

One thing my mum did.. I have forgiven tho but omo, let me love from afar. When I was young, about 10 or 11, her brother’s son tried raping me. I told my mum and she changed the narrative that I have seducing spirit right from when I was young and would always send me for deliverance… Thank God for an ex suitor that I met with again in 2019.. he would always remind me that I am okay and possessed.. self esteem was in the mud then
Still a bit in the mud but not like before
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

My dad hit me at 24 during my Msc when Asuu and the pandemic forced us to stay at home. There was a time, he pushed me to the floor and used his leg to hit my head on the floor repeatedly. Worked at his office during that period cos all of his staff had left and did the work of 3-4 people all week including weekends. I didn’t have a life. He used to threaten to beat me in his office and disgrace me. Once school resumed I left and got a job in another city. I never looked back and I’ve struggled with hating him since then. There are other instances but we thank God.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

My dad used egg to check my virginity as a teenager.He also body shamed me to the point I became invisible to myself.I suffered low self esteem which I’m still battling with.I literally became a shadow of myself. Because of all these and more we don’t have a father and daughter relationship 🥺
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

My elder brother misunderstood me a lot while growing up, he sees me as a wayward girl bcos of my social life. He enjoyed calling me a prostitute while the poor me was even still a virgin then. That word still hurts till now though I’m married now.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 28, 2022

Hummm… I have a toxic father, while growing up my mum wasn’t married to my dad, I grow up seeing my mum as my both parents. When I was in primary 5 my dad showed up, my mum introduced him to me I instantly liked him he’s a fine man, and I never wanted my mum to marry another man, not knowing the love was one sided. I remembered the day we were introduced to each other, he promised to buy me 10 note books and mathematical set, which he failed to send. I persuaded my mum to marry my dad again(my mum had 2boys with another man while they were separated) mum had me at a young age and my father’s family wasn’t in support of the pregnancy. After everything my mum still love my dad and they got married properly, then he started treating me like a slave, I can’t even look at him to have a fatherly discussion. Till now I can’t make account of 20k from him for my welfare, I’m 26yrs. So I had planned to travel my mum had saved up but he manipulated my mum and collected the money.

He used the money to buy a car and the car had an accident after 3months he called me all sort of names like winch, useless and all…. He beats me at any given opportunities, I have to leave home after I graduated to Lagos…. I slept in a shop in Opebi for 3months before I got a job and offer of accommodation . We only speak once in a year, he didn’t see me as his daughter, I got married last year he didn’t contributed a dime towards everything just only my mum, i tried the traveling process again last year I called him because he told my mum I don’t carry him along about the things that go on in my life, I need money in my account as proof of fund… this man had money ooo mum told me he was saving up for another car, he told he didn’t have money on him, from that time till I submitted my visa application he didn’t call me to ask me how far. My visa was denied in January this year because of finances ( didn’t pay tuition fee and this man have about 3millions to purchase car

Just only i and my mum since birth ooo, this man had told me several times that I have nothing to offer him that it’s not house or cars that I want to buy for him when I’m rich, that’s why the refusal pains me so much…
Like since January I literally cries myself to sleep, I have never for 1 day feel fatherly love it hurt me so bad.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 29, 2022

My eldest sister showed me pepper in this life, I can’t say it all, I talk about it till now and still shed tears uncontrollably @ 30years, she can never tell me she loves me and I’ll believe cos she claims its all outta love.
As kids, I sleep under her bed till morning. She will pee on the bathroom floor and ask me to sit on it and she will forget me there, when she wants to fart, she will ask me to put my nose on her buttocks to inhale the smell and after wards tell her that “I like the smell and want some more” I’m in tears as I write this😭😭😭, the pain is fresh daily and I can’t even write quarter of them, this is just a tip and I don’t even want to continue. And worst part is, she’s never wrong and you can never talk to her it correct her, she’s always right and knows all. She never feels she’s doing anything wrong. It’s so sad but it is what it is, God will help me heal with time.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 29, 2022

My father was a provider but I don’t know if it is that he didn’t know any better because growing up my father always called me names and that really was affecting me but I tried to fight it , infact it contributed to me not knowing my worth and value, it made me have issues with my self esteem (I have low self esteem) till date (although people believe I have a good self esteem but na me know what I battle with internally)

Their constant fight with my mother never made me feel safe at home… Till date I will rather be anywhere else but home. When people will be crying on resumption day I will be glad I’m back to school.

We moved from festac to idimu when I was in primary 6 almost rounding up the term so there was no need to change school… He was the one who takes me to school if you see the way he wakes me up in the morning ehhhn like say na armed robber I be and I was btwn 10 or 11yrs then. The only love I could say he showed was paying bills…

Continuation… I don’t know if it’s because he had little exposure and maybe because he didn’t grow up with his own parent o but he hasn’t been able to show me , my mum or siblings any love other than pay bills.

What of during devotion (morning or night) if you dare doze you go collect better shout or slap. Same as going to church you can’t even be sluggish he will shout at you and follow you with cane… All this babaric way of doing things made loose interest in the church going / devotion. Till date I don’t look forward to going home or being around him as I know e no dey hard for problem to start. On top all of this I feel guilty because of scripture/ culture that talks about honouring parents.

Then my mother get her own altho she is kind and caring but her own self dey her body. I pray God will help me heal completely cause I still get anxiety when I think of somethinga.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 29, 2022

This is also my dad ….: I remember TTC for some months and he called one day to ask what’s happening and there’s no barrenness in our family, that word hurt so bad …. N.B I am not even up to a year in marriage
Anonymous
ReplyMay 29, 2022

its painful to even think about, we all got out share. There was no favourite. From curses to her wishing she aborted most of us… but that was then, I never for 1 day even as a child felt there was something wrong with me. I felt she just couldn’t appreciate us, there were worse kids out there. It all stopped when I told her exactly how she made me feel as an adult. She still throws tantrums once in a while, sad part is we’ve all learned to not care
Anonymous
ReplyMay 30, 2022

This is my mum, imagine calling a child bullied in school. Coming home to being called Wicked!
Anonymous
ReplyMay 30, 2022

She had me when she was 24 out of wedlock. She didn’t want me. When she took in, from stories from her sisters, they said she tried to abort me several times but it didn’t work. After having me, she didn’t breastfeed me, hoping I will die. She left me for my grand mum to raise and I really didn’t even know her as a mum but an aunt cos she barely comes around. When my granny died, I moved over to living with my uncle (my mums brother). Despite not living with my mum or collecting anything from her, she still think I ruin her life cos till date she is not married. One time, I was very sick in school, my uncle asked her to come stay with me at the hospital, the one night she stayed was when she tried to strangle me with drip, thanks to the nurse on duty. Like that wasn’t enough, she used mortar to hit me after I was discharged. The indigenes around my school area had to arrest her. I struggle with love, love from everyone. When the person that birth me doesn’t love me. Who will?
Anonymous
ReplyMay 30, 2022

Parents and siblings were mean to me for leaving a toxic husband. I wore the shoes and knew where and how it pinched me. They always insult me because I left him saying I brought shame to the family. Thank God I have a good job. I don’t care. We are good now tho but I am very careful while interacting with them.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 30, 2022

My younger brother is so toxic, he feels entitled to everything I have !!! He is lazy, gambles, smokes weed and blames everyone but himself for his misfortune. 10 years ago, he stole my debit card and withdrew a huge sum from my account. Another time he stole 50k cash from my room. Another time he stole $100, my phone and expensive jewelries! He really drained me. He also refused to finish school.
Right now we don’t talk because he refused to work and he has impregnated a girl and my parents wants me to take up the responsibility of taking care of them.

I wish there was a way to divorce your sibling.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 30, 2022

I can’t really say if it’s toxicity but my parents locked me up in a cell for days cause I had left the house for months as a result of their bad mouthing in front of my other siblings and beatings. These people joined hands to beat me in my year 2 in university, always preaching me in morning prayer, giving me 6pm as curfew to be home when school was in session, no friends ever visited me, always broadcasting my issues to relatives and anybody who gave a listening ear and many more things, I actually did feel adopted. But I’m past that stage, and I only feel it’s bad parenting approaches they used in a bit to make me a better person cause they felt it was the most appropriate way.
Do I feel bad about everything that transpired?..yes
Do I hate them?.. before now, yes ..But now..no
Anonymous
ReplyMay 30, 2022

Hmmmm my mum made me feel cos am the only daughter I ve to do everything in the house, am married now and anytime I visit her she still wants me to do things my maid nd others can do, I actually wanna stop visiting cos hubby also is aware of how she does to me , but I just feel I got no choice , I ve 3 brothers only myslef nd our first born is useful , the second son nd last born are nothing to write home about , so useless nd carefree ,we don’t ve ds mother and daughter cordial relationship, my parternal aunty was d first I told when hubby proposed to me took me time to tell her , now she wants us to be close but I just play along tho , I still feel bad how she yelled nd call me lazy despite I do all house chores nd cater for my nephew nd niece back then cos they stay with her , it’s well , she still pampers d last born unknown to her nd he’s 30yrs of age nothing tangible doing , I hope Nd pray God helps him

My mom tried raising us tho cos my parents ain’t togeda but she had all of us for him , grew up at my paternal grandmother’s place , later grew up as a tomboy but I ve a social life nd I was acting like no am good , use to ve male friends than female , went out with older male friends one day got back around 9pm [at age 28] mum slapped me almost hit my head at d burglary window in my room , I dodge it and that’s it ooo she called me a prostitute dating , all sort of insults 😢😢😢😢😢 she pampers my Kid brother more cos he’s d last born , now I can’t account anything good he has done for her she’s d one training his son sef cos he has a son 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ well am trying to forgive her cos we stay close nd she loves my Daughter but I always flash back on the past till now nd just give a heavy sigh
Anonymous
ReplyMay 30, 2022

Toxic:
Not entirely sure I’d call it toxicity because I love them.
My brother lied to my parents I went with a guy which wasn’t true. My parents beat the hell out of my life and my brother slapped me really hard. My mum said they should cut my vagina and put pepper.
Another one is this, I bleed very heavily on my periods. I was in sec sch then, was groaning in pain in the middle of the night and no one came out to check on me. After a while my dad came out and saw blood coming down from my thigh and he told my mum I had aborted.

Another time, I was always sick and would get better, so my dad asked my brother to go with me to the family clinic and he must stay with me with the doctor so he can report if I’m pregnant.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 30, 2022

My mom after finding out I was pregnant never asked me any thing about my pregnancy, like nothing at all till I was 9 months and the reason why she asked then was because my mother inlaw had called her to ask her if she was taking care of me, fast-forward to delivery period she said she was traveling that when was my due date, told her and she still travelled only for her to come back on the day she heard I gave birth(ps this is her first grandchild and my first pregnancy with no knowledge of what to do, thank God for my husband, google and mother inlaw that kept checking on me)
When she got to the hospital, first thing she said to me was see how my stomach was big ….that I still look like I’m 7 months pregnant, that was barely hours after delivery
Omugwu saga: she just kept complaining, I almost had a mental breakdown, I just had to tell her to go after few days while I manage with my husband, immediately we got home, back from the hospital she asked me to wash her clothes,

She would make comments like don’t allow thier baby to fall down o(referring to my child)
It’s been months after but the thought of everything still makes me sad, I see how other mother’s are so supportive of their daughters and grandchildren and it just leaves me feeling empty
But I’ve learnt to forgive her and I’m trying to move on with my life, because asides that God has been really faithful to me with too many blessings that I can’t count.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 30, 2022

My right wrist is permanently swollen till today….still caused by my father.
My father used hurtful words that were stuck in my brain for the longest time.
He was extremely toxic to us but as a first born, I experienced 90% of his toxicity.
He will curse me n all sorts. My self esteem was affected and I didn’t know how to give love because of my childhood experience.

I have become a better version of myself. Thanks to my mum and husband.
You may be wondering what I did to deserve all these. That was his own way to discipline a child, he beats when I don’t do something right, beats when my results aren’t too good, etc. He beats to correct (in his own mind)
This is like 2% of what I experienced from his toxicity. I usually wish him bad before but I stopped and I do not hate him anymore.
But all I went through remains in my memory.

This also made me toxic especially to my younger brother (our last born)
But the moment I realized I was becoming toxic. I became conscious of my reactions to him and got better. I am just grateful I am a better version of myself now.
Parents just need to do better in raising children.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 30, 2022

Plenty o but the most painful one was when I came home from university with my degree no extra year 2:1 from OAU I graduated earlier than my elder brothers who have multiple extra years, my father rejected my certificate said I shouldn’t have come even questioned my virginity asking how come I graduated earlier than my older siblings that my elder brothers are more intelligent than I am, it’s a long story if I start to talk……. thank God for grace now he calls me a reliable child BTW I’m now a US citizen, you can imagine. I’ve forgiven him now but sometimes some things just trigger me like today’s question I just play May D’s song Lowo Lowo to cool temper.

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