Narcissistic Partners.

by Ngozi AbiolaMay 14, 2022May 17, 202250

#Msasoebiconvos

We love reading personal experiences from our community members and this time around we asked them about their experiences with having Narcissistic partners.

One of the major issues with dating a narcissist is them making you feel you are the problem and never taking the blame for their negativity. Alot of narcissist are not even aware they are narcissists.

Can you relate? Kindly share your experience with narcissistic partners, or drop a comment in the comments section.

How to spot a narcissist

Do you know the traits of a narcissist? If you don’t, you should read this article : 14 SIGNS OF NARCISSISM

Have you read 5 types of men you should never marry ?

Read MORE REPLIES from our Instagram post HERE

Husbands in the labor room.

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Comments (50)

Anonymous
ReplyMay 14, 2022

We were together for about 8 months.
He seemed caring for the first one month.
First thing I noticed was he wanted to hide me from EVERYONE.
Then, he started calling me blind, stupid, etc when we have issues. He would go days or even weeks ignoring me.

Whenever I complain, he would say I was insecure because the last person I dated ghosted me and that I am not use being in “healthy” relationships.

He is very caring to people at work ( worked in the same place) and they would always say his future wife would be so lucky. But he was a night behind closed doors. Someone that gives people money anyhow but only money I got ever got from him is the 5k I practically begged for.

He does too much for people even if he asks to milk me for cash later. I think he does this to make them like him.

Leaving him was not easy sha. He would always tell me he is the best person I could get. A whole spec like me!!
Anonymous
ReplyMay 14, 2022

I think I’v dated one. He will claim we shouldn’t refer to past issues. If I refer to a past event I am not letting bygone be bygone but if he brings up a past issue, he is trying to make a point. I don’t understand why it’s different when he does something but it’s problem when I do the same.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 14, 2022

Hmmmmmmm where do I even start from??? 🤔🤔 being married to a narcissist is the worse thing that can ever happen to anyone. He’ll offend me , yell at me, tell me to pack my things and go to my parents house for something he did. Keep malice, not talk to me for weeks, months. I will have to beg and be the one to try and make amends for peace to reign. He will do stuff to me and act like he’s the victim. Can’t even communicate with him , because he’ll either walk away and ignore me like im not even there. I was married but living like I was single. Providing for myself, taking care of myself. Literally doing everything on my own. The story is long but its really crazy. I had to leave because I didnt do anything to him, I was a damn good wife and still nothing I did was enough. But Im in a happy place now☺️
Anonymous
ReplyMay 14, 2022

My mother was married to a narcissist. He met her on her line of work, as a young and very beautiful lady. Although he was already married, he had her as his second wife and got an apartment for her. He was much older and richer. He made her quit her job and told her he would fend for all her needs. She had to obey him Bcos those were times of “do whatever your husband says”
Everytime they had issues, he would threaten not to pay her children’s school fees and the rent. She was helpless. He also threatened her never to leave the house, so she spent so many years indoors doing nothing and he would come around at his convenience. She was helpless because he was in charge of everything financially and she loved her children so much.
Well my brother and I are older now, I personally made sure she left him. We don’t have it all yet, but we are happy in our small apartment that we can afford to pay for. I love seeing my mum go for parties. She spent so many years not having a social life
Anonymous
ReplyMay 14, 2022

Hmmm, I have been with one before 😔, he.used to tell me I wasn’t smart, you are not interesting, compares me with his ex, colleague at the office, went on a date right In front of me, abuse me verbally,said I deceived him , that I was too short, that he will be stressing himself,to bend down if he marries me, I wasn’t organized, complains alot, told me I don’t have sense, sent me to my mom several times, saw his dad for the first time, made jest of my shoes, that it was old…so many horrible behavior that I accepted, infact I almost died, got so lean to the bone, cried alot, it was so hard
But am better now by his grace
Anonymous
ReplyMay 14, 2022

I’m in a very similar situation,he is so nice to everyone,I mean every single person likes him,he gets good comments from everyone(both genders)but he is evil,he would ghost me for days over what is not worth it,a lady on his contact said she was going to school and doesn’t have provision or money for it and he sent her 20k,whereas the highest money he ever gave me is 5k,he says because i don’t ask.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 14, 2022

Hmmmmmm, my story is a very long one, the verbal abuse was crazy, he constantly reminded me if he leaves me I’ll be nothing, he tells me how he picked me up and brushed me up (I was working before I met this man o, I wasn’t idle, he asked me to stop working because I’ll be meeting too many men in the course of my job, so I quit and depended solely on him), he constantly insulted me, body shamed me, made jest of my family, I battled very crazy inferiority complex, serious of mental breakdowns and self doubt, he became physical abusive and he was an unrepentant cheat, who constantly blames me for his actions, and I’ll end up apologizing for making him cheat🤣🤣🤣 he was never wrong , so I always apologize even when I know I’m right . I’m glad I broke up with him, dated this man for 4yrs
Anonymous
ReplyMay 14, 2022

This man would always take every opportunity to talk me down and make degrading comments about my family. At a point he asked what my waist line is and it was 3q and he said its too big for someone my age am supposed to have a waist line of 28 and infant am supposed to be weighing 65 rather than 80kg. Mind u am 5.11 feet ooo… He wouldn’t let me eat or be free . Should I even talk about him having issues with me watching Nigerian movies and listening to the songs.. according to him it’ll dull my brain and make me dumb… I can’t even say it all… we were engaged and was on our marriage process literally ended the marriage 1 month before the wedding when he brought a lady home one of the nights I happened to be around.and when I asked who she is, he said I don’t have the right to ask him who he brings home or question what he does in his house even after the marriage.. I didn’t believe it. In his voice “U query me alot and u don’t have that right “.am just thankful to God I left him.

And u can’t even believe he made issues when I told him am done… went on cresting troubles and even told me I’ll look back later and realise he was the guy for me and am just leaving him because am not submissive and want to trample on him… He called me 3 weeks ago after a year now to ask to beg me to unblock him on WhatsApp and on call.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 14, 2022

I can’t say currently because we have not spoken more than a week now. He doesn’t care, he doesn’t call, he doesn’t give money to anyone, but he wants me to be caring, pamper him, look at for him. This man told me three weeks ago if I’m putting my hope if he will support me? Or help me? I don’t even know how to express myself right now. He cheats, he will call another woman baby in my presence. He will make videos calls with other woman but if I dare say I made a new friend today (male) I’m a prostituted… He says I disgust him a lot. Well I’m happy my eyes are open in seeing all this. I don’t want him in myself anymore. If I’m wrong I will beg if he is wrong I will beg.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 14, 2022

My very 1st boyfriend fresh into university was narcissist, I’m in tears just thinking about everything I went through dating him… he would make me cry at the slightest opportunity, even saying crying is good for me. Infront of everyone is was a Saint and our relationship was perfect but behind closed doors he would bully me and make me feel unattractive, when we are strolling on campus how dare I stop to say hi to someone I know… he made sure to isolate me from friends he said are bad influence, I wasn’t allowed to have male friends but he had so many ladies all over him. He made sure to brand me at every opportunity ( wear a chain with his name, shirts with his name, he got me a bracelet with his name on it) I thought it was cute then that he was so possessive, I was young and naive and thought that it was normal, I wasn’t allowed to attend parties he wasn’t invited to and some we were both invited to he would sometimes say it was best he went alone so people don’t think his babe.

Is a party girl. He would guilt trip me into not doing things that would benefit me, I would give all my pocket money to him to handle… even our breakup was manipulative…7years in he was cheating on me with a certain younger girl who he said was a mentee and would post her all over social media and when people ask me and I can’t answer, I’d fearfully ask about the pictures and captions and he’d say she posted him on her social media so he is reciprocating that’s all with all the lovey-dovey caption, stupid me I would accept, and then one day he said since I’ve not been in any other serious relationship other than him, he wants to give me the opportunity to date someone else and see, but I’m only allowed to be in love with him because when he is ready to settle down he will come back and marry me…that I shouldn’t worry I’m still his baby. Just incase you are wondering I stupidly agreed and he would call me everyday to monitor my activities and give dos and don’ts… everyone.

I knew Thought I was under a spell, I too now believe I may have been under a spell 🤔 for years he kept on trying to make sure he had a hold on me, he was still expressing love the week he proposed to his wife, even though my eyes had kinda cleared and i had started seriously dating the most amazing man so i wasnt giving his advances any serious thought anymore. And after he proposed to his fiancèe, he still blamed me for that, saying but he begged me o🤣🤣🤣. This person is a so called church boy, there’s so much in between the lines I may have skipped because time heals but it was such an intense relationship and I’m happy I got out of it. Even though there’s so much I missed out on because including a masters abroad. But it’s all good 😊
Anonymous
ReplyMay 14, 2022

I dated a narcissist… you know what? The thing about them is that you will never know from the start. At first, it was all Rosy and beautiful. He would buy gifts, call me at night to wake up read, even join me to Church… It was like a dream come true…I thought I had met my soul mate. I was and still am an advocate of “no sex before marriage” and we discussed it from the onset. He seemed comfortable with it, even cheered me for having self control and all…
Then about 1 month into the relationship, everything changed… It started with constant demands for sex , to silent treatment. He would go days without taking my calls or calling back whenever we had a quarrel.
I remember one time, we were in a traffic jam and a little boy stopped by to beg for money… the boy said “daddy please give me money to eat” I watched in shock as my boyfriend replied with “leave here… go and look for your father, it can’t be me” … like there’s an option of ignoring the boy completely
Anonymous
ReplyMay 14, 2022

Everything you have written and more. He made me doubt myself and made me feel I was not worthy. This topic is triggering. I don’t even know what to write.
He is always right, cannot do any wrong. Infact , if he rapes a 2 month old child, he will rationalize it. I have never seen anyone like that in my life.
I got to realize that he married me for papers ( we live in the US) and that his family were in on it too, by going through his WhatsApp.
Guess what his family said?
“How dare you check our son’s phone? In fact, in the olden days, women don’t enter their husband’s room, how dare you check his phone?”
I don’t know a family can be like that, a whole family fa in 2021!
I am in the process of dissolving the fake marriage. I just want to leave and forget I ever met him in my lifetime.
PS : He believes he did nothing wrong, and gets mad that I mentioned “marriage fraud” in court.
He would rather I kept quite to maintain his image. Image is so important to him.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 14, 2022

I read that the narcissist grooms everyone. They groom the people that will defend them by going above and beyond for those people. So that on the day that someone sees through their narcissistic behavior, those people they have groomed will defend them. That is why they care so much about public image
Anonymous
ReplyMay 14, 2022

I dated a narcissist… you know what? The thing about them is that you will never know from the start. At first, it was all Rosy and beautiful. He would buy gifts, call me at night to wake up read, even join me to Church… It was like a dream come true…I thought I had met my soul mate. I was and still am an advocate of “no sex before marriage” and we discussed it from the onset. He seemed comfortable with it, even cheered me for having self control and all…
Then about 1 month into the relationship, everything changed… It started with constant demands for sex , to silent treatment. He would go days without taking my calls or calling back whenever we had a quarrel.
I remember one time, we were in a traffic jam and a little boy stopped by to beg for money… the boy said “daddy please give me money to eat” I watched in shock as my boyfriend replied with “leave here… go and look for your father, it can’t be me” … like there’s an option of ignoring the boy completely.

He used to tell me that he was the best man I could ever be with and that I should hold him tight, else if he leaves me, no other man will be able to put up with my “no sex” rules…
He also started saying that I lived a boring life.. In his words “you don’t club, you can’t even dance well let alone rock a man, all you do is go to the hospital, or go for makeup jobs , or church services… you are just too random” (btw I am a medical student)
Then along the line he stopped going to church… He complained that since I didn’t want to compromise on my no sex policy, he was tired of compromising because he attended church services because of me… 🤦‍♀️
He also had this habit of hiding his phone… Omooo
I remember one time he asked me to cook soup and stew, pack it in bowls and waybill to him… lol… He said and I quote “Let me see if you are even ready for this marriage thing sef “
I did it ooo… I cooked and sent it all the way to Imo state from Akwaibom state… funny thing.

Funny thing is he did not send a dime o. I used my money to do it…
Omoo… the list is endless… He was mean to people. He can just randomly see a young girl wearing a slightly revealing dress and mutter “akwúna” meaning prostitute…
I lost my self esteem completely… There was once he told me that his friend said I should be ashamed that I have not had sex because it means no man has found me attractive enough🤦‍♀️… I suffered o
the final straw was when we had a fight and he reported me to his mum…
I lost my mind oo.. haa By the grace of God I decided I wasn’t going to apologize and we stopped talking… good riddance to bad rubbish…only for him to call me after two months to say “are you still angry?” Like dude we are done…. He begged o, said he had changed… even visited my mum to beg me on his behalf but abeg they don’t change…. My peace of mind is more important.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 14, 2022

Very horrible. I lost my self esteem and I didn’t know what I do right again ooo. I met this guy before going to the University. He gets angry at very little things. Insult, accuse me, insults me , call me names, threaten me with a lot of pain I will go through if I don’t do what he likes and after all these, he says am the one having problem and not helping the relationship to work. He warns me not to mention the past but he always uses the past as reference for everything. He talks about the things he does for me as if I’ve never done anything for him before.
Because he was my first guy, foolishly I didn’t see anything wrong with it thought he will change with time. He told me he has anger issues so I should help him when we first met so leaving him felt somehow like betrayal. Until I found this page, thanks to you @ms_asoebi and the community members. I started reading similar stories on the page then my eye cleared oo😂…

But I to leave was a problem, because I was feeling like But how to leave was a problem, because I felt like I would betrayal him after he told me about his anger. I gathered courage and shared my story, that’s why all the community members came in to speak sense in my head and gave me strength. It happened again and this time threaten to make life more miserable for me if he marries me because he started planning for marriage. I stood on it and run with my slippers in my hands and never looked back😂😂😂…. A lot happened after I took this decision, his mother, sister and friends all calling to beg. I just took a decision to block all of them and cried in my closet till I was okay. Long story short. This platform and it community saved my life from an early death 🎉🎉🎉🎉
Anonymous
ReplyMay 14, 2022

The thing is the Don’t switch. It’s literally who they are but they’re able to cover it up with pretence and the thing about pretending is it never lasts for long, your real character would show. They pretend and put up a front to get you comfortable enough and plant the sweet side you see in your head so when their real attitude begins to show, your mind gets conflicted and because of the sweet side you saw before, you begin to 1) blame yourself for the change in their attitude 2) make excuses for their behaviours in hopes that it would go back to how it used to be. Before you know it, you have spent months or even years praying to see the side you first experienced while still being on the receiving end of abuse. It’s a very chaotic cycle
Anonymous
ReplyMay 14, 2022

I’ve been with a few, but the most recent just ended, it started with wanting me to move away from my friends, saying they will influence me negatively, and because he said he wanted to marry me, I should put him I had just met barely a month, above my friends of 10/15 years, he never pays me compliments, and I’m a lily😒 (to say the least), always trying to talk me down, my dressing, my accessories, my “flaws”. He NEVER addresses issues, whenever I want to voice a feeling, “you’re always complaining” is what he says. He never spends on me, and he is very buoyant, but I didn’t stress because I’m not broke by God’s mercy. He always talks about his exes, the ones he’s not talking ill of, he’s sending you pictures to see how beautiful they are, so I know he knows the meaning of the word but he has NEVER called me beautiful.

He will buy things and spend on everyone else, so it makes no sense when you’re complaining of his financial reservations towards you (I call such people, “charity begins outside”)

He talks about women with so much misogyny, and will always say “men and women are not the same” when you point out any unequal expectations he has. He has almost never said “sorry, I’m sorry” or acknowledged something he has done, he will just say “you too like sorry” 🌚
Talking about it now, it’s crazy, but I guess it lasted as long as it did because I had been with a narcissist before and I did a lot of work on myself to shield the effect of such personalities. My confidence was a major trigger, so he would say a lot to try to bring me down. But anyway, some men are “special” humans 🌚
Anonymous
ReplyMay 14, 2022

I have dated a narcissist. And I must say it was an awful experience.

He never apologises whenever he’s wrong, instead, he will laugh and laugh at me.
This man is a lawyer, the more reason he will argue till the last drop of his blood, just to defend himself, instead of apologising.

I dare not have a say in that relationship. He is the alpha and Omega.
If I have a different opinion from him, he will say I am challenging him. I am not submissive, bla bla bla. Oh, he drums submission in to my ears, like his life depends on it.

He said I’m always claiming I know my right, that that is how short people behave.
They feel people are trying to intimidate them.
Then he will be laughing.

I have told him severally that I am no longer interested in the relationship. He will say he is still interested, that it’s not solely my decision to make.

He instigates a problem, then run to my mum and my sister to report. Telling them I am fighting him again.

They didn’t know what was happening, because I didn’t tell them.
He paints a perfect picture of a gentleman, he looks so innocent, that one will think he’s a saint.
They will begin to scold me. Why am I treating this good man like this?

During this late Osinachi’s saga, he told me outrightly that I am posting too much on my status regarding the issue.
That I am crying more than the bereaved.
I told him he shouldn’t even try to tell me what to post. Why is he sounding so insensitive.

I asked him I hope he’s not abusive, and he said isn’t it obvious?
That haven’t I seen the red flags? I told him I have seen the red flags, that’s why I don’t want to have anything to do with him anymore.

Infact, on one of the days he crept back in to my life, I told him we need to see a psychologist, if we really have to make this thing work.

He told me that he’s not a mad man.
I told him I didn’t say psychiatrist, I said psychologist for therapy.
He still refused.
He sees nothing wrong in what he does.

At a point, I stopped talking to him. And it has been like that. Since whenever I tell him I am done with the relationship, he argues against it. I’m just on my own now.
And whenever he sends a message, I don’t respond.

It’s actually refreshing to have him off my back.

I forgot to add to that he’s too full of himself.
He so proud and pompous.
He is arrogant.
He feels he’s so important, he prides in himself, literally.
Everything is just all about him.
Always seeking attention.

I can go on and on, but let me stop here.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 14, 2022

God of Mercy this keeps bringing tears to my eyes this is exactly my ex husband…..indeed he is a narcissist

He constantly told me how urgly I am how flat my bumbum is how my height was one of the things that pisses him up 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ right under my nose calling other woman and sending me out with a 1 month old baby where do I start from? And now he lives with that same woman with all my sweats
The list is endless I just wish I never met himmmmm

We were married for less than a year but that was the worst year of my life. He constantly bullies me mentally and verbally, he keeps calling with someone else’s name both while pregnant. I was 8month pregnant he called me after morning prayer cos we are Muslims to tell me that after child birth we will part ways 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ I wrote like a baby that day he told me when am done crying I should clean up myself . The mum too was not left out she came for omugo and the nurses in the hospital told them how uncomfortable that make me feel with their behavior. Hmmmm I had CS and never saw anything good in what ever I did and this is someone that I practically lived for infact he told me one day that MY BEHAVIOR IS SO GOOD THAT HE NOW SEES IT AS PRETENCE . What more could I have done ? He has badmouth me to everyone who cares to listen telling all sort of lies against me just for him to gain people’s sympathy for his terrible behavior towards me.

It was a very horrible experience that I never wished for my enemy
Anonymous
ReplyMay 14, 2022

I feel my last relationship was with a narcissist. We completely evaded the aspect of friendship and just rushed into a relationship, he asked me out just within 2 weeks that we met, I told him I needed more time but he was incessant, so I agreed.

Whenever he’s not financially buoyant, he’s always cranky, moody and he withdraws, I’d ask several times, but he’d say “he wants to be alone”, I’d try my best to cheer him up but he’d keep giving me attitude, so I’d let him be, the next day he’d be the one to come to my DM to blame me for not reaching out to him.

Also, I was a in rape situation, which I told him about, and we agreed that sex would be much later(after marriage), but out of nowhere he started demanding for it, trying to manipulate me to do his bidding, his words were “he was involved in sex in his past relationships cos he knew he’d get married to them so why not”, ah! Told him I wasn’t going to be involved in sex.

Then he went on to say “I was blaming him for what…….

Then he went on to say “I was blaming him for what rapist did” 😳, that shook me to my bones.

He even came up with the narrative that “when certain people don’t get what they want in a relationship, that’s why they cheat”

Lol, he also said “sex helps him to brightens up his mood, and that then, when his ex notice that’s he’s moody, she’s just come over to his house, enter the bathroom, come out naked, they have sex and his mood immediately gets better😂, then I asked him what if we were miles apart and all, what would the solution be to his dull mood if we were intimate.

Then he said he gave up his value for me, that he told himself he’d never date any lady with baggages(in the sense that a lady still in university), but he made me an exception

I’m happy I had the strength to leave.

When I finally decided to leave, the emotional blackmail was a whole lot, he said things like;

“Why did i make him fall in love with me”

“Why did I introduce him to my parents”

All sorts of things
Anonymous
ReplyMay 14, 2022

I was married to a narcissist for over 10years. I saw hell. I was a very young and naive girl. Had no much experience about relationship. He was very sweet and loving in the beginning. But gradually, started distancing me from friends and family. He was never wrong oo…when he’s wrong, I have to apologize. When I’m wrong I have to apologize too. He changed the way I dressed. Me a young girl of 19, he got me plenty Ankara and told to only sew iro and buba.😃 thinking about all I went through now…I dare not sew a style with it. Soon, it graduated to me using those long hijabs. This man will sleep and wake up angry. I’ll have to start begging oo asking what I’ve done since I know we went to bed happy. When he’s finally ready to talk, he tells me he had a dream and saw me with a guy…crazy something. Cheating nkor? This man will be talking to other women right in my presence. He tells me I’m too jealous that his penis can service 100 women and never get tired. Calls me names oo, isolated me.

Made stop speaking Yoruba to my family…this man understands Yoruba oo but can’t speak. He says he has hatred for the language so I mustn’t speak it. When people tell me or try to blame for not teaching my kids how to speak my language, I just look away bcos I don’t want to speak ill of him. Story plenty oo, if I’m to keep writing ehn…thank God I finally walked out. I’ll just say God planned my exit for me.
The problem I have now is, when I’m in a new relationship, if the guy is not controlling like my ex, I don’t find the relationship interesting. Hopefully I go see a therapist some day.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 14, 2022

It started out so wonderful, i was wondering how God sent such a perfect person. He would pick me up for lunch and take me to his house and cook for me. Put on my favorite tv shows. Too interest in everything i liked. Talked about my goals and future. I was blown away. 2 months after things had changed. Criticism of everything, how i eat, how i peel eggs, how i dress, my hips too big. the things liked most about myself became a source of shame. My gold brown hair people compliment was dirty brown that i needed to dye. my stories i used to publish on blogs were horrible and people were just pitying me to read them. I had to be a fool for things to go well. If i correct him or point something was wrong he would get so angry i end up apologizing. He talks bad about everyone from his siblings to friends and eventually found all the nasty things he says to neighbors, cleaner, family about me. He told his neighbor im always at his house because im homeless and a runs girl. chai.

One day the neighbor decided to preach to me and told me everything. he told them i steal food from his house. He wont pick my calls for days and even weeks and get angry if i don’t pick on the first ring when he calls. His aunty was coming to town, he said i should wear a tight short gown, make up and not talk too much. This is the opposite of me on a normal day. the aunty hated me on sight because of how i looked and he told them(i found out later) that i he said i should dress decent and that’s how i decided to dress. when he wants to give me money for anything he throws it on the floor and says i should pick it. as in even if he is paying me back what i borrowed him. even if its 10 naira i have to pick it from the floor. He cheated like anything and would deny it.one day he actually showed me pictures of girls on his bed including a sex tape of him and so called PA and said there’s nothing i can do because he is a man. Phyical, mental, emitoinal abuse, anything you can think of.

i was a shadow of myself. my friends say they don’t see me anymore i would lie i was busy with this and that. i was not allowed to go anywhere. i have to tell him my plans a week in advance and if any change happens its serous trouble. but guess what all through this i was somehow convinced that he was making me a better person and i was at fault of everything. i used to wonder if i was going mad sometimes. if just behave better then things will be better. he would be extremely loving and nice one day and say it’s because i obeyed him yesterday and turn to a monster because i let his call ring twice the next day. his family hated me, God knows all what he told them but he will tell me he is working on them. and if i work on myself like he tells me then they will like me. anyways he beat me up when i found out he had a secret child and asked him about it. thats when i broke up with him but he harrased me and new bf for more than a year after. i will end here but chai so much to say
Anonymous
ReplyMay 15, 2022

My narcissist ex aid he saw my late dad in a dream and that my dad said if he leaves me “that my enemy” will suffer. It’s been one year after the breakup and I met a good man who cherishes me and says he is lucky and blessed to have me. My ex would say I cant have a say as to wedding plans back then. He has good finance and is a US citizen so It felt hard to leave him. I had a good job o and all he made me lose the job too but I thank God for his mercy and also for bringing me out to see the light.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 15, 2022

I am currently married to one. He Lacks empathy, emotions and self accountability. He always crosses every boundary that is set and is now trying to do everything to win me back. He makes every issue about him and I’ve given up on the marriage. I have contacted my lawyers because the longer I stay, the more likely I’ll lose my mind. I have kids and need my sanity
Anonymous
ReplyMay 15, 2022

Please stress that anyone going or wanting to leave a narcissistic marriage should try therapy.

The narcissist would have broken that person down. When mine left he thought I’m sure he thought I was going to beg like in the past. But I got myself strait into therapy. I have healed alot, I still have work to do but I have never felt so mentally strong and determined about life since he tore me down in those 7 years.

I changed career goals, sacrificed myself, became depressed experienced suicidal thoughts whilst being with him. I have always been a go getter, financially savvy and I know my life would be a lot better had I never been with him. There is so much I could speak on, gaslighting to walking on eggshells, outright lying about beating me and making me question my own sanity. Reactive abuse – antagonising me (telling me no one cares about me, I don’t have friends) and then when I react or snap back telling Everyone without telling the background. Leaving me thinking I had a bad attitude and if I wanted the marriage to work then I could change something. Silent treatment for 6 weeks at a time, because I asked for more intimacy in our relationship. Constant critism of how I parent our kids. And critics over everything. Never telling me I ever did a good job because it would make my head big 🤣.

I stayed because I thought it would get better, or he would change. It never did and he eventually got more violent.

If your leaving a narc quietly plan your exit. He will make life hell. I planned my exit and stopped reacting and things got worse and everyone outside then began to see the cracks. Once people started talking to him he decided to leave and ran the narrative that I wanted a divorce ( I’m quite private so I didn’t know he had been running this narrative for a few months before hand).

As soon as he left, luckily I had savings and I had gone back to uni.(To study the course that I had stopped some years before so we could have peace in our marriage.). I started therapy and began to realise that I was never the problem. He refuses to see our 3 kids but is out in the street shouting I’m stopping him 🙄 (I could never do anything to spite my children). Even in our breakup he’s done things that I never imagined he would be capable of. But God is control and God will support us.

If your leaving a narc have an exit plan, don’t antagonise and get into therapy.

If you suspect the person your dating is a narc, red the red flags and trust your instincts. Once you marry and have kids your kids can also become the target too.

I saw the red flags but a narc is a manipulator, there were loads of lies lies, age, side chick which he was financing, his family background, education it’s alot, don’t ignore red flags 🙏🏾

This message is alot longer than I wanted, but there is so just so much I could share, if it saves another person.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 15, 2022

Sis you totally right. Am currently married to one.
He was the sweetest that I always specially thank God for. But it all started with my mum has to call him first whenever she needs my favour. When I was pregnant with our first child he will insist on when and how many times I see my gynecologist n not when the hospital says. Every weekend he’s always with his friends of his family n I dare not complain and then cheating became his birth right as a man n if I dare complain I will be manpulated into pushing him to it. He will chat received n send pictures n vn while we are together and I dare not complain. One time my husband forged my school certificate for his side chick to source for a job I got to know when I hacked his WhatsApp account and with all that he still have the ordercity that I called for it.
There n then I knew a normal human being can never behave like that. Then I started searching for his behaviour related on Google then I cam across the word NARCISSIST.

Then I knew I was never the problem as he made me to believe. I started to careless of whatever anyone says and think about me (especially his family). I faced my work n my kids and then another stage set in of me being so proud of myself, he started complaining of how disrespectful I am. There was a time he mandate me of not staying out later than 9 pm even when he knows my business sales is at night. N he ones locked me out for 2 days.
The worst part of it is a narcissist will never want you to be successful than them n he tries all he could to bring me down but God has bn so good n me too don grow coconut head, so at some point he will want to be calm n made me believe he’s a changed person now but because I know he will and can never change because to him he is always perfect and can not go wrong.

But now he’s bn playing the victim card and although it had not bn easy with me but I just have to get myself together and program my mind that am not the problem and I have never bn the problem so that has bn helping me alot and I pray am able to get myself out of this soonest.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 15, 2022

Hi
I dated a narcissist, at first I didn’t know what is meant, when I see blogs abt it I just skip until I meant someone..
When we started it was all good like I was d happiest girl, then we had our first fight , he wasn’t there when I needed him omo instead of apologizing excuse the way he twisted d whole thing eh I started questioning myself I had to apologize just to save the relationship.. that’s after he has given me silent treatment before I apologized still gave me silent treatment after apologizing until later he started talking to me again, before u know it he started do some kind of attitude, he just changed the things he doesn’t he stop , he doesn’t call like that again or text like some many things ..
Then we fought again, I refused to say anything, do u know still today he hasn’t called or text no apology nothing..
we see everyday o, until I heard anyone girl calling him baby..
I’m glad I didn’t fall for that rubbish the second time.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 15, 2022

Can’t put them in words sef b cause it’s very exhausting. I wake up everyday to one problem or the other. Now I transfer aggression to me and you know it isn’t my character or in my nature to behave that way but it’s the same emotional and physiological abuse I am experiencing that’s making me behave that way. I have cried and now I cry in my heart. Each day I drive home to our beautiful big house that people envy me as the madam of the house I am bleeding in my heart. It doesn’t feel like a home or a beautiful house but rather a prison. Whenever he travels or I travel I am at peace.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 15, 2022

Good morning @ms_asoebi it’s my first time writing you. I never thought I’ll be writing you but then….
I dated a narcissist or rather still dating him, he doesn’t see fault in him at all, he blames it on others and me inclusive, the relationship started very well, when he came to my life it’s was a dream come through because his every woman dream man, generous, caring, nice to my family and supportive without been asked, nice to friends and spends on them too, nice to his own family and people around him, he’ll come visit me at the office and share money to my colleagues etc. And he started to show his real self to me after sometime. He body shame me I was size eight when we met now size ten and he has a problem with it, he has a problem on how I laugh that I laugh to loud, he stop me from wearing the cloths I love to wear when we first met he now insist I wear big gowns, dress more like a northern lady, all cover up. He complains that I’m fat at size 10 and that I eat too much,

He has cheated severally and he blames it on me, be manipulated me into not accepting certain life changing opportunities and sometimes cry to get his way. He manipulated me to staying away from friends and other social life . The only extra fun life I had was just my job and family I became emotionally dependent on him and he always put it to me that I’m paranoid and I’ll never find anyone that will accept me but him. And I believed him, I became extremely insure on my body but I’m gradually getting over it. In between I was naïve. He prosper and I accept and we started marriage preparation but something happened and we decided to put everything on hold I was sad tho but didn’t know God was preparing something better for me. While waiting to resolve the problem on ground I met this God sent guy that was everything different from my soon to be ex, this new guy appreciated me, He does even more for me and never insult me. He worships everything about me and loves me too much.

We’ve been dating for some months now he proposed a week ago and I accepted, I’ll be getting married to him. But I feel cheated for everything my soon to be ex did to me and the only way to pay him back is I’m going to collect a huge sum of money from him with an excuse of wanting to use it for something. That will be my compensation. I’ll return this ring 3 days to wedding and end the relationship, maybe I’ll tell I’m getting married in 3 days or better still I won’t. I know it’s not enough for the pain he caused me but it will ease of a little of the hate I feel towards him now.
I’m currently seeing a therapist because I’ve some toxic behaviors I adopted from my soon to be ex. I’m try to make myself better. Sorry for the long write up
Anonymous
ReplyMay 15, 2022

Thank you so much for all you do @ms_asoebi . It looks like everyone sharing their stories married or dated the same person. All the stories are so alike, I have even read things that I didn’t write in my story that I can relate to.
I feel so much better knowing that it wasn’t something I did or didn’t do, it was just unfortunate to meet someone like them. Thank you
Anonymous
ReplyMay 15, 2022

I used to date one. He was the most manipulative human being I had ever come across in my life. He always found a way of absolving himself of anything wrong he does. Funny thing is that he wasn’t like this in the beginning. The emotional manipulation and blackmail was much. There was a time he traced our extended family house in the village and snapped my mom’s obituary and sent it to me with caption “would she be proud of you?”. I didn’t have any breathing space, I was schooling in Anambra state and he based in Imo, but never placed a call whenever he was coming to my place. One time, he asked for my phone to snap me, And exported some of my chats. I found out, And sent him out of my place. This guy had the audacity to play the victim. There was a time when I had a high temperature and slight body pains, I was returned from a function with him, I even committed on the road, When we got home, he still had the audacity to force himself on me.

It was a very suffocating relationship and I thank God I got out. My way out was by being heartless. He could stand outside my door for 24 hours and I wouldn’t open the door.

It became scary at a point because even after breakup, he didn’t let me be. This is someone I ended things with last year April. I finally convocated March this year and left Anambra to Lagos. He recently sent me a text telling me that if I hear that he has died, I should know that he loved me and wanted to marry me, blah blah. But I’m already used to his manipulative antics. This guy is contesting for a political office in Imostate currently, dunno if the election has held or if he won..
Anonymous
ReplyMay 15, 2022

I’m not kidding you. Narcissists actually pretend to be all mushy and sweet so they can trap you and they do this to very innocent people who are novice and do not understand anything. I was once a prey, I was young, about 21 without much experience, my very first relationship. He was married before but lied to me about it, and he also had a child too but told me a different story which I told my friends, I had told him to have a hair cut which he did, and I was like hmmmm, What a man who respects my decision, didn’t know Oga was waiting for me to enter well, sooner he told me to stop wearing tight clothes and wear his clothes to school,gave me his t-shirts and trousers and in school,my friends would laugh at me and told me how masculine I looked, he was with me everywhere I go, listened to all my phone calls, asked me who was calling and who was not, told me all my friends were bad people, met my friends too and told them all our conversations later when I quit the relationship.

My friends and I are no longer speaking till date, I remember his family telling me to quit in Parables and silently, they never dared to speak around him until he beat me thrice, then I started planning my escape, God saved me,I had saved up some money so I left, he also tried to come back into my life to finish what he started, he did and every one I ever knew became my enemy,God knows what he told them, he would tell me that I’d crawl back on my knees to beg him and I would see but God happened. If I ever questioned my sanity,it was the entire 4 years I was with him. Talks too much, gossips like a woman, and very violent especially when he’s low financially. I remember calling my mum and asking her if I was normal. After this relationship,I didn’t want men around me or liked anyone toasting me, I had built a wall around myself,until I went to therapy and this is where I heard the word narcissist for the first time.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 15, 2022

Tips: when planning your exit, tell no one except your closest confidant, a closest friend or a family member, before you leave,start saving,I cannot overemphasized this, save till your last Kobo. Gather all the money you can. Pray well too. Before you leave,secure a place, use the money you saved to buy one or two most important necessity like mattress and bucket, you can use wrapper for curtains, start taking your clothes out one after the other, sneak them out as though you’re going to the market or tailor’s place. This can take up to a month or 2. You have to be up and doing in being yourself else he may find out and this may not be funny. Kindly look for something doing to keep you busy, learn a skill if possible so you can have what would feed you after you leave. The kind of peace that comes after leaving a narcissist is like drinking chilled water under the hot sun.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 15, 2022

To everyone going through this painful withdrawal stage or planning to, just understand that you can do it. And you won’t die. You’ll be fine.
You survived well without this person initially and you can do it again.
There are days I still feel like I should run back to that guy, but nahhhh.
My mental health is important.
You should know that too.

Be happy with yourself, that’s another thing. You have to learn to be very happy being with you. Don’t rely on anyone to bring happiness in your life. People tend to take advantage of this when they know they’re like the major source of joy in your life. Enjoy being you, enjoy being with you.
You’d want to run back to them at times. But as much as you can, please and please do not.
Focus on building yourself.
To cope with the withdrawal, divert your attention to other things. Hang out with people. Reconnect with your friends if you disconnected before. Give yourself a good time. Eat, see movies, read books, play games, go out, treat yourself nice.
And please do not deal with it alone. You can see on this page there are so many people dealing with stuff like this. Find the right people and talk.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 15, 2022

There’s always this feeling of “what if I’m the problem?” especially when you were stuck with a manipulative partner that does very well to turn tables and make it seem like they’ve done nothing wrong and it’s your fault.
I recently withdrew from a very emotionally draining friendship. And reading all of these responses, I can relate his attitude to so many things here.
Lord knows it was getting worse and worse. The red flags were there.
Truth is in a good number of cases, they’re there from the very beginning. These little things, the yellings, the unkindness that just comes unexpectedly, the switching off, shutting you out and unnecessary change of attitude. They’re literally waving in your face but sometimes we like to believe “he’ll change, she’ll change, if I give her sometime, it’ll get better”
But people don’t change if they don’t want to, especially when they haven’t even come to terms with the fact that they need help and change.

The major thing with withdrawal is being ready to let go. It’s hard. That’s the fear that keeps most of us stuck in very unhealthy and toxic relationships.
All of the “Can I?”s
“Will I be able to cope without him, without her? I’m so used to this person, can I just leave?”
We’re too scared to let go most times, too scared to move on.
Fine, it’s hard. I’ll tell you. It’s really hard. It takes a lot, you have to be intentional about your letting go, moving on and healing.
But as painful as it is, there’s some sort of relief.
You go from that cage where you have to walk on eggshells around someone you’re supposed to be comfortable around, maybe you’ll go from that to feeling lonely without the person. But truth is it only takes time. And efforts. And therapy maybe. (You could talk to good friends or siblings or family members, therapists or whatever. Just don’t hold it in always. Talk to people, reasonable people.)
Anonymous
ReplyMay 15, 2022

Final thing: To everyone that was made to feel unworthy of love and beautiful things, please don’t.
Take it that God shielded you from those people. Good enough that some have already met beautiful people.
You’ll meet your person.
You’ll meet someone who will love you and value you and thank God for you.
Do not allow anyone make you feel you deserve less. Please find the courage to pull yourself out of situations like that.
And God helping you, the right man, the right woman will come and be so thankful for you. Believe it.
With so much love to you all❤️
Anonymous
ReplyMay 16, 2022

Please how can I help one (A narcissistic).

I dated a guy and he has some of those traits, deep down I know is a good a person but changed bcos of what happened in his past relationship with a lady, It really affected him and other relationship he has. I am at the withdrawal stage, because I am emotional drained and I have a low self-esteem. So I am trying to move on and work on myself even though it’s very difficult bcos I am so much in love with him. But I also want to help him, bcos he doesn’t seems to know he has an issue. He is a good person despite those traits so I think he needs help. Please does anyone know how one can go about it, I don’t think he will want to visit a therapist bcos he doesn’t know he has an issue or maybe he know but doesn’t want to accept.

Please hid my identity
Anonymous
ReplyMay 16, 2022

Yeah, so I moved to Abuja, met this over Nice matured guy. He made me fèel like I was the most beautiful thing that has happen to him, a year later, January to be precise, this dude changed. He became distant and would go ahead to time me the silent treatment for a week or two, depending on the blind crime I did. I will talk to him to enquire what seem to be the mater he will asure me that everything is fine, but yet no changes. He stopped giving me money and when I’m force to ask He will either tell He has no money or will outright tell he wont give me a dime.
Meanwhile he is outrightly nice to everybody bt me and probably his other exs. Twas difficult to express explain my griviences to people who se him totally different to what i knew him as…yeah, twas difficult but we had to part ways.
Plus he was married, but till this point i dôñt know whether he was separated from his wife or not! They aré always quereĺling on the phone, because of their boy.
omolola
ReplyMay 19, 2022

I am married(13yrs) to a narcist,He is nice to outsiders but treats me like a rag. He didn’t allow me to finish school and he wouldn’let me go back. This man is blessed to some extent but hardly gives me money, he likes it when i beg.When I started a business(Ankara business) with my father’s gratituty,he practically stopped giving me anything, he was angry i could earn money,I was taking care of myself and I was also mostly buying clothing for my 3kids. When I asked him for supports,hardly does he respond. He insults me,ignores me,treats me as nothing.when am expressing my feelings to him,he says nothing I say is important. I have been physically abused more than 5times,he cheats with girls, comes home late at night,there are days he didn’t sleep at home and strolls in like nobody can question him. This man has made me drain my business, he incapacitated me financially. Insults me infront of people, i had an accident,this man never visited me in the hospital, he said he used that to teach me a lesson😥 So many terrible things this man has done to me. I am mentally tired and tired of the marriage. I am planning on how to leave with my kids.
Anonymous
ReplyMay 20, 2022

When i talk about my story i laugh because i keep wondering why i had to endure… I started seeing the signs when we just started dating but for some unknown reason i stayed,this guy beats me says it’s a normal thing for a guy to beat a lady when she misbehaves,i must do what he wants,fix my hair, nails a certain way,add weight,lighten my color, start squatting so my butt will pop out,start cooking like his mum,dress a certain way, started causing enmity between my family and i,the list is endless,beat me iron clad belt and cutlass when i was barely 2 weeks pregnant,told me to abort at 5 months, reports to my mum and his family about everything including how i don’t moan a certain way when we are having sex… I could go on and on , i fell into depression twice during pregnancy because he didn’t show up,told his family not to show up either… I just thank God i came out alive and my baby is alive and healthy,he will be 2 soon and I’m so proud of myself…

He said no man will ever love a single mother,he despises single mothers but guess what? God proved him wrong and sent me the best to wipe my tears
Anonymous
ReplyOctober 19, 2022

If I should start, I definitely won’t be able to finish..
I am married to a narcissist and it’s been hell.
He cheated just 4 months after marriage. He flew her from Nigeria to UK .
He was with another woman when I just gave birth to my child .
Too many things.
He screams and yells at me at every opportunity he gets.
He is always right.
He sees things only his way.
He never compromises for peace sake
He could go silent on me for days and say he’s not in the mood to talk to me.
He never apologizes for anything.
He’s surrounded by yes men that can’t tell him if he’s wrong .
He’s very defensive about everything.
I know you’d ask why I’m still staying.
My time is ticking and I’m almost out , I’m planning my exit and it’s so close I promise.
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How to spot a narcissist

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