Married a partner with kids

by Ngozi AbiolaJuly 24, 2022July 24, 202235

On our Q&A this weekend, we asked our community what’s it’s like being married to someone who already had kids with another partner before marriage.

As usual it was an interactive session. Here are a few of the responses we got on our INSTASTORY.

Some replies we got on instgaram our feed

We’d love to read your experience too, please share in the comments below.

Married to partner with kids: (OPINIONS)

How To Overcome Commitment Issues

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Comments (35)

Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

I married a Man with a child
I married him while she was 18yrs I accepted her and allow her stays with me while hubby lives abroad. Everything was cool with us until hubby started poke nosing in our affairs and making it seems like am taking care of her as expected

He doesn’t like me to correct her on what is wrong

I felt bad but later accepted that na husband i come marry no be the girl

I let them do their do,I support anything they both decide to do even if i know its not cool in as much as it it won’t hurt me in anyway

Hopefully i pray i have my own kids someday

Aside the girl issue ,He is a wonderful husband. Just to make peace i ignore both of them and do me

Our marriage will be 5years in August
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

Married to an amazing man who has two sons. I have a son too. The kids mum wasn’t allowing him see the kids and hubs was giving up but I always encouraged him to keep trying. Now he sees them every holiday. He and the kids mum have a good relationship now. She even has another child for her new partner.
He pays child support as well plus shops their clothes. They are currently here for 2 weeks and we are going away for the first time as a family of 5. I have a good relationship with the boys when they come around. They aren’t rude or anything. They are both 10+ and 8+. My son is 2+.

P.S, we are based in UK
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

My Dad (my stepdad), he loved us too much, so much that when I and my sister (twin)found out at age 6/7 that he wasn’t our biological dad ,through our biological father’s relatives , we couldn’t tell him we knew. Cause it will break his heart cause of the way he took us, we were little but we knew it’d shatter his heart. This man gave his own son from my mum , our own father’s surname,so that we wouldn’t notice from the differences in our names that we weren’t his. Till he died when we were 13 he didn’t know that we knew.

Unfortunately the relationship between he and my mum wasn’t great,they ended up separated. He married her as a young widow 28,and he was about twice her age already. But he was a good father to us. I think he used us to correct the mistakes he made with his older children who were about my mum’s age .

I’m also grateful for his touch in our life,making us see the value of education and even wanting to be more, he was more of an elite.

While my mum’s family were mostly illiterate,no one else around us would have been able to give that exposure. And without it,our lives would have really been below par. I’m grateful for him as a father. And he’s the only one I celebrate on Father’s Day since my biological father died before I know him.
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

Hubby had her before we met. Met her when she was 2yrs. Got married when she was 4yrs. I have 3 boys so she is like my baby girl. Things changed this year, she is a preteen now. Her mum got her a phone without letting my hubby know. We’re against it. So when she comes visiting she stays without it. Now she has access to my domestic managers phone to call her mum anytime. She would gossip with her mum the entire time she visits. I got so heart broken. Took her like my own baby girl. We currently have her banned from visiting for a while till hopefully her mum collects sense. I love this girl like my own, we spend more time together than her dad. Spa dates, we have private chats etc. Everything just changed. Am morning our relationship. Hopefully the break will have her see clarity and things get better. Pheeew.
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

He has a child from a previous relationship. It was hard at the start as hubby focus all his attention on the child while ignoring my children. It got to a stage where he would be crancky/shouting at my kids anytime his child come visits. But thankfully, the child moved to another country which ease things up. For your sanity, I will not advise anyone to get into such relationship especially if the child/children is in the same country/state as you.
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

Almost did, He had a sweet little boy, the boy’s mum didn’t want me around him but she had no say in the matter as he didn’t really send her. He did mention that I had to love the boy if I was going to be with him 🤣. Well thank God I love children, and though they’d managed to spoil him rotten, I was naturally able to create a good relationship with him.

We got along quite well, though it didn’t work out for other reasons, I do foresee trouble for whoever he’d settle with as that lady doesn’t plan to get a life anytime soon. She keeps using the boy as bait and probably hopes that he’d come back to her one day because she clearly still loves him.

Really sad for her, no body should live like that
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

She’s 14. We have always had plans to have her come live with us when she turns 18. Just learning her mother has other plans, which includes making a passport as a citizen of a different country, with her maiden name as the child’s surname and basically claiming she doesn’t know the child’s father’s whereabouts. She’s creating a whole different identity for the child. Unfortunately, this is most likely going to start a legal battle that might span at least 4 countries and my husband and I really don’t need that sh*t right now. Also if he goes there and present all the documents (marriage, divorce, birth cert and custody), this woman might lose whatever status she has over there. I honestly don’t know what to tell him at the moment… sha pray not to ever have an evil person in your life. Their drama comes in seasons and it’s endless 🤦🏽‍♀️

The problem here is the approach.
She never discussed it with him. Hubby has never withheld consent on anything. So why not just tell him? I even told him to allow her go, but he’s worried about her having 2 different identities and how it might affect her in the future. He just wants things done right and for communication line to remain open
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

I married a Man with a child
I married him while she was 18yrs I accepted her and allow her stays with me while hubby lives abroad. Everything was cool with us until hubby started poke nosing in our affairs and making it seems like am taking care of her as expected

He doesn’t like me to correct her on what is wrong

I felt bad but later accepted that na husband i come marry no be the girl

I let them do their do,I support anything they both decide to do even if i know its not cool in as much as it it won’t hurt me in anyway

Hopefully i pray i have my own kids someday

Aside the girl issue ,He is a wonderful husband. Just to make peace i ignore both of them and do me

Our marriage will be 5years in August.
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

Dated one for a year and a half. He kept both the child and mother at arms length but his own dad was involved in the child’s life. I encouraged him to at least try be a father to his son. An innocent boy shouldn’t suffer for his mother and father’s mistake. Was going well until he visited them and didn’t let me know. In fact he flat out lied about where he was going. It finally came up 3months later when I was gisting him about a lady that got pregnant and the guy refused to accept the pregnancy. I asked him why he didn’t think to tell me in the first place, even to the extent of lying about going to see his own child. Dude told me he didn’t think it was important. When I ask questions about the boy, he chooses the questions he will answer and the one he will ignore. This is someone that had taken me home to meet his parents as his fiancee and I’d done the same thing. I had to end the relationship. It was hard at first but I knew in my gut I had made the best decision….

Funny thing is with the background story, I should have known I was setting myself up for headache. I had known him for 7years and we were friends, not very close tho before he started asking me out. Took me 6months to finally agree to date him cos I had my reservations at first but he managed to convince me I was making the right decision. Fast forward to 3months into the relationship, he sat me down to tell me he had a son. Me I thought he was joking at first ooo. How old is the son and what happened? He wasn’t very coherent w his answers. Twas later later I found out the son was born the same month I decided to get into the relationship w him. Smh. I took a lot of rubbish sha all in the name of patience and tolerance…To God be the glory tho
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

Well my father has a wife, met her once over 10 years ago for reason best known to my dad he never wants us to have any form of contact whatsoever and I’m cool with that, he talks to my mom when needed ( my needs ) and everyone is cool with that, but on rare occasions he puts her needs before mine, and sometimes I understand that, it’s just every one should be considerate and understanding at times I hope she doesn’t give him headaches tho when he puts me before her tho
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

My mom remarried when I was 10 years old
My biological dad died when I was 7 I didn’t really know him or even feel his death that much Cus my step dad stepped into my life and was the best dad I can ever ask for…. I am his next of kin he loved me dearly like his child, he was so kind and nice 🥺I bear his name too. Sadly I lost my step dad last month and I can’t stop crying my heart still aches and I’m in tears typing this 😭 it’s well
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

I’m currently dating a man with 2 kids,their mum is late tho. I’ve built a close relationship with his children over time cos I don’t see them as my kids I see them as my siblings,this made them draw closer to me and also makes it easier for me to chat,talk and gist with them.
My fiancee actually make everyone of us feel equal and loved in words and actions. We’re getting married soon
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

Yes! My husband has an eight year old daughter with a European( they weren’t married). My husband and I are both Nigerians and we got married last year. We welcome our son few months ago. My sweet step daughter comes visit every other weekend and God is good!

Surprisingly, myself and my step daughter share same birthday
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

My husband have a child out of wedlock,he tried to hide it from me but l later know about it ,he and his family beg me not to leave the marriage but the only condition l still in this marriage it’s that we never discussed or talk about the child in our house,l knew he take responsibility of the child welfare cos the mother has got married to another man and the child was staying with her mother .but still whenever l remember of it ,it breaks my heart ,and l don’t want relationship of my children and the girl
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

I’m currently dating one. It’s been 7 months and no issues from the ex for now. We talk about the 3 kids and their well-being. He drew the line with me from the beginning. I do my part to make sure he shows up for his kids. I’ve not seen her nor the kids,he deliberately has kept me away from her. Cause from my FBI duties,she get plenty wahala.
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

Isn’t this a bit funny tho. Speaking as a child that my father abandoned to marry another woman and took her own kid as his, this just rubs me off the wrong way cos i remember feeling like her child was living the life i was supposed to live. Im an adult now so I’m over it but people saying they are okay he just sends school fees should know that the child in question also needs a father.
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

Married to one.. sincerely it wasn’t easy at the beginning of our dating days because the baby mama always tries to frustrate him with his daughter’s unnecessary needs.it got to a point she was trying to get back; telling him to get her an accommodation (for someone that got pregnant for another man while they were together o),showing up unannounced,calling him to tell him she needs him 😂😂 but guess what I was always there to spoil her blues.. I’ll volunteer to drop off her daughter at a meeting point and giving the guy strict conditions because to him he sees somethings as normal 🤦.
Setting boundaries and Clear communication cannot be over emphasized, because I stated things I’ll accept and not accept clearly even while dating.

We’re married now and everything is going well
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

Well, I can’t say fine, the mum doesn’t let us see her, she took her away when she was so little after she and her then husband and my now husband broke up. I hope when the girl is grown up she’ll be a part of our family for real. It hurts somehow sha, because I can’t even explain to my own little kids how they have a big sister somewhere and all that. I put her name in the list of my children when relocating so she can come to us whenever.
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

I was engaged to one even though I have my own children too I had to run for my life, he was too selfish, my kids can come around on less his children are around too, I can’t even do anything at home the children will call their mum to report it was hell I had to run for my life before it gets too late.
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

I’m currently dating one and his ex wife is very crazy , I take of the kids boy and girl like they are mine but she insults me at every given opportunity even called the police on my friend and I because I went to drop them off with her in my friends car , now she’s claiming I threatened her and kids are not safe with me and I’m currently fighting for my fiancé with her as she’s trying to get them back and they are legally divorced and she keeps harming me in my dream.

Caught them three days ago planning a trip to another city and this man made me believe he hates this woman because she ruined his life I’m just 24 years and I’m dealing with things wayyy above my age and my moms pastors and my Grandma Alfa (she’s a Muslim ) both says he’s my husband I’m just weak Abeg
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

My husband has a son from a previous relationship and he stays with his mother in a different country. So far so good, we haven’t had issues other than just discussing and getting a clear understanding of how to handle him when he joins us. He has no relationship whatsoever with the child’s mom and he keeps a clear open book and communication with me so that there isn’t chance for assumptions. My goal is to make sure there’s some kind of sibling relationship between the boy and our kids.
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

My step dad and mum were first loves.
After having children for different partner, they got back together.
For the 28 years of my life , I enjoyed fathers love. I remember trying to change my surname to his while in primary school because he was just too loving, not to be related to him.
People never believed , he wasn’t my dad.
My dad gave me the best life. I celebrate him everyday. Unfortunately he passed 2 yrs ago and haven’t gotten over it. i named my son after him.
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

My step dad is so amazing ,I pray for him a lot. This man gives me everything, while I was in school, he gives me more than my friends father’s does. He dosent complain, wouldn’t get angry at anything. Since I knew him , we have been living in peace and happiness and I pray it remains so. Amen
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

My mum had a child at the age of 18. Got married to my dad afterwards and had 3 of us. Making 4 children. My sis is our first born and everyone had to accept that. My dad gave out her hand in marriage and also walked my sis down the aisle as the father of the bride. He has been the only father in the picture. When he’s to write the number of children he has he writes 4.
When my dad died, my sis was more heartbroken.
We didn’t even know anything cause no one ever explained or said anything to us about it but when my dad died, while grieving, my mum and sis mentioned it.
That he accepted her and took her as his own.
We don’t know her biological father or the story behind her birth and we really don’t care.
She’s our first born and the family’s first child.

No decision is taken behind her neither will it be done without her approval. She’s such a sweet
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

He was a father of 3 when I met him. Seperated from his wife for many years prior to our meeting. I treated the boys like they are mine. My 3 years of relationship/cohabiting with him was more or less a nanny for his children, he never truly loved me or care about my personal needs. When he calls, it’s always his children’s affairs. Have they gone to school? Did their school bus arrive on time ? Are they back from school? And so on. It took me 2 years before realizing I was a nanny/carer for him and his kids. I left and never looked back. His work takes him away from home for days and his kids were underage ( he doesnt want his kids raised by their mother, best reason known to him) . He begged me severally to come back to him , even while begging…he still made it clear he and his children missed my care. No one to cook , prepare them for school ( they were 9,7,and 5) he wasn’t even talking about “us”
I wept more cuz I felt used .
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

Married to one who has a son,am currently pregnant for our first after we got married,omo I don’t advise anyone to o,they’ll always put them first and would overlook that you need support being pregnant perhaps the first lady was strong.i gotta be strong for me sha cause no b jesus I wan born na,it is well.
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

Going on very well ,myself and hubby lives in a different country from the child and mother, he has a wonderful relationship with the child she is just 6 and is aware her dad is married to me , I love her from afar and pray for her but do not have a close relationship with her. I think is works well for us that way
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

About to Marry someone with a 19years old son, his mother got married when the boy was still a child so that’s the person he calls dad, they live in a different country so i have never met the boy and no interference in my relationship with his Dad. It is going awesome so far, wedding is in December… hopefully I meet him soon.
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

My mum is the one that had a child from her previous marriage. I am the child she had before she remarried and I don’t know any other person as my dad. I didn’t even know he wasn’t my biological dad because I was 3 when she married him. He’s the best father I could wish for, he adopted me and I bore his name till I married. Everywhere we go, he introduces me as his firstborn and treated me as such, even the extended family took me as their daughter too and were all present at my wedding. He used my name or year of birth as his passwords uptil now sef. No one even remembers that I’m not his child. Not even my siblings. They asked questions when they saw their wedding pictures and saw me in attendance. I love him so much. May God continue to keep him for me.
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

Honestly it hard 🤦‍♀️the baby mama is so damn dramatic,from one drama to another but the man also listens to my advice (fiancé )
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 24, 2022

Well mine is diff Bec his wife is late and truth be told I won’t lie the kids shows me so much love esp the second one they are 7 and 5 they are so cute that the 5year old I feel he’s so obsessed cause he doesn’t know his mum is late the 7year old loves me too no doubt but you can clearly see the love the 5year old has for me, and we aren’t married yet it’s just relationship and it’s just few months but I can say it’s been wonderful and I am not sure I would regret it cause I love all of them so so much and it feels like my family already.. the story of how we met and when,is long would have dropped it. And yes I would love to marry him cause he has been wonderful to o me no regrets
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ReplyJanuary 2, 2023

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