Being a single Mom.

by Ngozi AbiolaJuly 30, 2022July 30, 202221

The Ladies in our community shared stories about how they become single moms and how it’s going so far.

Below are some of the responses we got.

If you’d also like to share your story, kindly share in comments below.

Want to know what it’s like being married to a single parent? Then you should read this 👇🏾

Married a partner with kids

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Comments (21)

Anonymous
ReplyJuly 30, 2022

Hmmmmmn. It is HARD!! especially when it happens unexpectedly. I have the help of my immediate family yet I am drowning. I am recently divorced and everything seems like a dream. My baby is a toddler with plenty energy and I got full custody. I cry everyday and I know I have depression but I have to be strong. My coworkers and family think all is well. But I’m going crazy. Especially because the future seems uncertain. I worry a lot for my baby. I worry about our future. I hate her to see me cry but she’s super clingy. Never in a million years would I have imagined I would be a single mom, yet here I am. Sometimes I just cry out to God hoping He can understand the words I can’t utter
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 30, 2022

It has not been an easy journey but God will see me through. We dated for three years and got pregnant last year, he suddenly switched up after telling him I was pregnant, he called me all sort of names, he said I spoilt is plan. Everything was so hard for me that I have to borrow loans with the hope of paying monthly from my salary has I am earning 50k in a month, but debt keep piling. Being a single mom is not easy, it’s emotionally and mentally draining. But am hopeful all will get better soon
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 30, 2022

Dated for close to 2yrs,got pregnant,we both didn’t want it,I was scared of d&c but did try to induce it 2ce to no success,he doesn’t want her , I now have a 3yrs old… he blocked me everywhere since 5months of pregnancy,he doesn’t even know what she looks like
I reached out to his family, his father says I should go train my child if they ever want her in the future they would compensate me
The painful part now is she always asks for daddy, nothing breaks my heart more than that
She is such a sweet little girl, I feel like I failed her
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 30, 2022

Been a single mom has been tough and rough ,this is my 12th yr of been a single mom of two .I got pregnant in my 3rd yr in school ,had to leave school and jst before my baby clocked one ,I got pregnant again ,he left when my son was 6month and said he met a lady with connection in Abuja .my son will be 13yrs in Sept he has never met them ..I am still looking up to God to see me through ..
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 30, 2022

We had just met (young love), it was my first time and I got pregnant. Nothing was right after that. I was 5 months pregnant when my scan showed I was having a girl, he said he would have preferred a boy, like I got myself pregnant. Part of the “a lot” that happened was the fact that he probably didn’t see himself man enough for us. He was always depressed and no matter what I did, it couldn’t cheer him up. I’d catch him crying sometimes and bring out containers of SMA and cerelac to show him that he was doing his best. Even show him the phone I was using like “babe, you bought this! I know you think you are not doing much but to me, you are doing the world, you are my world” for where, 😄 if I brought money, it’ll be worse cos to him, it was a man’s place to take care of his family. I started to see myself as a burden, especially because when we argued (as couples did and in our case, it was almost all the time because I was young and didn’t understand depression…

…so if he spent time alone, I got uncomfortable asking what I did wrong and when he couldn’t convince me that I wasn’t the problem, I’d think he was lying. How young? I was 21) where was I? Lol. Long story short, he was convinced he needed to get more money. I thought he was compating himself to his friend who started making money early in life. He drove a golf, his friend drove a range rover, but he still wanted so badly to be in their convoy. I begged him to look at us, I’d get a job, I was a graduate. He’d respond that a woman won’t feed him. I became very unhappy and so did he. The fights didn’t stop and eventually, he moved out of the country. It started with subtle accusations to full blown allegations. I decided I had had enough. But I loved that man, my fine boy who I watched grow away from me. I wanted him back so many times but it didn’t work, eventually, I found out that he has 2 kids. So I let it rest in peace. My daughter is 9 years old now. She’s fine, I’m coping.
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 30, 2022

It is very hard. Its been close to a year now with my child and I now understand why women choose to stay with their husbands regardless of whatever they face. Its a very hard phase but I pray for everything to get easy soon. Lack of finances, emotional instability omoh. E no easy make I no lie.
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 30, 2022

We didn’t date. Just someone I know on the street. But we fought some days before and he came to apologize and invited me to their house. He cunningly had his way(I was just 19 years then) and we went out separate ways then. We are not even friends and I didn’t see him for months thereafter. I learnt I got pregnant just that one sex after 5 months. I tried abortion thrice but doctors kept saying they can’t do it and was warning me to go home and tell my parents. When I couldn’t do anything again it was already 7months. Nobody knows both at home and school. I had to tell my parents after 7months and I became a single mother 12 years ago. Still single and searching. Hoping to get married again. I always think guys don’t come close because of this shit and it breaks my heart. I have not healed from this pain at all. I blame myself for not being single without a child. I am pained. I have not forgiven myself and everyone involved. God help me.
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 30, 2022

He was after for long & my friend advised me to date him with believe that older guys are more caring and he loves me. I eventually agreed with conclusion to be celibate. Few months into the relationship, he was after sex of which I declined. I was in love & didn’t see so many red flags until he had his way.
I got pregnant. I was even seeing my period for like 2months. I then informed an older friend of the changes I noticed in my body. She told me to get test strips. I was so clueless & anxious to even read the instructions on it myself.
I told her the result & she couldn’t tell me I was pregnant because I had told her I would run away from law school & families. Few days later, I discovered myself & felt betrayed but she told me she was scared for me too.
When I told him, he came up with stories of how he can’t accept it because he is a priest child & that somebody else was pregnant for him(lies).
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 30, 2022

It’s been so tough buy I’m pushing it. We divorced when my child was 6months old. Since then i have been her sole provider. I will never call him to remind him of his responsibilities. If he can’t man up and be responsible that’s his business . He is 42 not a child and he is not broke either.
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 30, 2022

I had a child at 13. ( Not concentual) my parents were taking care of her well being and fees, she grew up knowing me as her sister until last year. He came to marry me bcos of her 4yrs ago but I declined cos looking at him stairs up anger and hate, we ended on a bad note though. I do all the paying of fees now and I’m 27yrs old, A teacher but i won’t lie, I have been battling depression coupled with the fact that I haven’t been paid for 3months and she just wrote junior waec to go into SS1 and the bill is just too much 😭 but it is well.

Even though I came to terms with this last year after 13 yrs, I hate myself, I hate the change I see on my body😭 I have lost my self confidence, I still do not know how to be proud of having a child, I still feel so much anger in me bcos it wasn’t that I was dating him b4 the pregnancy. I have so much anger in me and I feel I need therapy.
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 30, 2022

He was after for long & my friend advised me to date him with believe that older guys are more caring and he loves me. I eventually agreed with conclusion to be celibate. Few months into the relationship, he was after sex of which I declined. I was in love & didn’t see so many red flags until he had his way.
I got pregnant. I was even seeing my period for like 2months. I then informed an older friend of the changes I noticed in my body. She told me to get test strips. I was so clueless & anxious to even read the instructions on it myself.
I told her the result & she couldn’t tell me I was pregnant because I had told her I would run away from law school & families. Few days later, I discovered myself & felt betrayed but she told me she was scared for me too.
When I told him, he came up with stories of how he can’t accept it because he is a priest child & that somebody else was pregnant for him(lies).

He threatened me, cursed me, say all manners of things that I want to drag him into the shame I have put myself. Eventually my parents got to know because I lose weight & terribly sick.
I went to his family house. His brother was so cold to me, his mum acted like they were just seeing me for the first time. His mum called him & was just using swear words on the phone. The old woman promised to get back to me. That was the last time I heard from him & his family.

When my dad saw that they weren’t ready to accept it. My father sent me out of the house. I had to stay with my elder sis, till I delivered my baby. I was depressed & sad but My mum & siblings were there for me throughout.
Throughout this trying time of my life, I was 24yrs & was in law school preparing for Bar finals exams.
December 1st that same year, I gave birth, a week later I was called to Bar & 2 weeks later, my ex got married. Apparently he had someone else all along.

My dad forgave me when he heard I passed my bar finals 😒 but his actions towards me really hurt me.
Throughout, my mum didn’t allow me lack anything.
Few months after I had my baby, I decided to carry my cross o & everyone were surprised by how far I grew & work hard.
I am now happily married to the best husband & now father to my son. My baby will be 8years by December & still haven’t heard from my ex & his family.
See ehn, I am not hurt again but the only thing I will get angry again is if he tries to come back to claim a child. I fit kill person by then. I had to block one of his friends who has been there though but he started acting nosy.

It shook me because I was a victim of child abuse & eventually raped as a teen. I felt useless & was always asking my mum “why do I have to express such things in my life”.😭

I am now in a happy place 🙌🏼
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 30, 2022

Taking a leap of faith.I was young stupid and in love.i was 16 when I got pregnant with my 17 year old boyfriend .was at school doing my Lowersix.my parents didn’t know until I was 7 months long and I gave birth at 8 months( miracle baby).I almost died had eclampsia and had to be rushed to the emergency room.That is how my family accepted me and the baby.the baby daddy was nowhere to be found ..he ran away from home.i did not stop going to school had family support but had depression my first two years at Uni got help on my own with help of friends who were now scared of leaving me alone cause I was suicidal.started failing modules but thank God I graduated with the class.depression almost hit me again early this year …as a recent graduate and my baby could notice and got help immediately.He turned 7 a week ago and for the first time I was not with him which makes me feel guilty mom.im now employed 2day trip by road from home town.im grateful for the blessings in my life.

But it ain’t easy being a single mom and never imagined myself being 24 and parenting.The father is not part of his life.i tried reaching out,not for money just for him to be present in our son’s life but seems he cares less.yet we stay in same town.and when my son asks if dad doesn’t love him cause he is living with his other siblings it really hurts.you know when kids start school the questions starts popping.the older he gets he starts being analytical.Anyways I have made peace with everything and now about to resign and get a job close to home like I said taking a leap of faith so that I can be there for my son .me and my son we have a great relationship he is mini me male version
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 30, 2022

Hmmmm, he is a Muslim. Got me pregnant and claimed it was his friend who was crushing on me back then. Cooked up many stories and came back when I gave birth but my mum shown him the esan woman in him. Till date he didn’t tell his parents he got a lady pregnant only his elder bro and kid bro knew. My girl is 15 and am married now but my parents didn’t allow her stay with me….
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 31, 2022

PART 1

I met my ex when I went for my NYSC in Edo State. My parents were based in Lagos, so Edo was a new experience for me. I was posted to a village along Agbor/ Uromi road. The house I rented was also along the road and not that far from the school. In between was a filling station, my ex worked as a manager and that was how we met. I won’t lie, I dated him out of boredom, cx he was way out of my league. While dating, he told me that he used to beat his ex girlfriend, I no run. Instead, I said, if he beats me, I will use cry to finish me. Along the line, I fell in love, same with him(or I thought). I was performing wifely duties even while dating, that I didn’t go home after Service. Oh, he’s an Esan Man, Ekpoma to be precise. Very proud and Arrogant. One day, I received my first beating while we were dragging an issue about a phone. Uncle quickly went down on his knees and promised not to do it again. We dated for two years, after which we got married. Uncle, even suggested we do Christian courtship after we had sex for three months, then insisted I go for deliverance at MFM, before the marriage rites. Unknown to me, he was having sex ooo..

Then he contracted a STD. Warts. Doctors couldn’t treat him and I went to visit him. I quickly called my friends in Lagos to contact an herb seller, came to Lagos and went directly to the herb seller,went home to carry my late mom’s pot and travelled the same day. None of his family members could stand him, cx the warts was all over his buttocks. The herbs worked and he was fine. Then I use to tell him that he would become so rich. He would laugh and say how come. I used to tell him that his uncle that owns the filling station will sell it to him at a ridiculous price. I was just saying my own, at the same time praying for him. Then one day, he ran home and told me that his uncle said he wants to sell his filling station for 1m and at instalments. Bro was saving that was how we started.

We got married and that same week I got pregnant with my first child. Money was coming in, brother’s business was booming. I was a stay home wife. I got an employment letter at American Embassy at Benin Republic, and Uncle quickly proposed to stop me. Then my late mom said Marriage was important. Mumu mii..🙂

I was a good wife. Infact, the best. My reasons? My Mom was married before she met my Dad, I didn’t want it to repeat itself with me, so I was so submissive. Then his nephew came to visit, I treated the boy like my own. Cx I corrected him not to play ball in his room, a boy of 12years, he refused to eat. When my ex came back from work, I reported the boy to him, only for him to take side with the boy and when I flared up. He gave me second beating. I wanted to leave,but my late mom said I should endure, marriage is like that. After two years, I had my daughter, Uncle was buying cars and land in his name. Me? I be witness… Yet, I was not bothered. When I realized that he wasn’t ready to build a house, I went to his Elder sister’s house very early in the morning, went down on my knees and begged her to talk to him to build a house. He got angry when he came back, I quickly went down on my knees and begged him. He calmed down and two months later, he built his mansion. Two months.

So you should know how rich he is. Then I used to sell Okrika, if I don’t sell a bale, I won’t be able to buy another,cx he gave me money for only a bale to start off and you know Okrika na. Na luck. Also, that was where I picked clothes for the kids and he won’t give me shishi. If I complain, Oga will say I should allow my kids go naked. My parents were average, but every month my mom will buy smoked catfish and send it through a bus to my mother in law,cx she doesn’t eat fresh fish and she’s diabetic. He sends my mom 10k every month, and I go on my knees to pray for him. His siblings? I go on my knees to beg him to help them, unknown to them. There was a time his immediate younger sister was bleeding due to refusal to do CS for delivery. My ex refused to donate blood or go to the hospital. I drove out of the gate around 12am, before he came out to follow me to the hospital. Getting there, her husband said he hasn’t eaten so he cannot donate. My ex too refused to donate since the Husband refused to donate. The blood bank was empty. Luckily, she was A+ like mine, I donated 2 pint of blood that midnight. Another incident was when his sister wanted to do IVF, I pleaded with him before he agreed. Or was it when I notified his sister to go and beg with his younger brother, that he had already rented a filling station for his brother who disrespected him, and his brother didn’t know and wanted to leave one of his filling station that he was working. Azin, I can go on and on.

After uncle built his house, he built a small shop in front, half of a room. I didn’t complain, that was when I started making money. And Oga was getting richer. More filling Stations, more tankers. I turned a blind eye to his cheating,cx I wanted to live long. I was the cook. I wash ( with my hands) and press his clothes. I drop and pick the child up in school,cx my daughter was still young. He doesn’t eat outside, so I wake up 4am EVERYDAY TO COOK HIS MEALS and meet up with my own schedule. Night nko, I must not tell Uncle I am tired o. He must do. I was a walking corpse, but to others I was enjoying money. When my daughter was 2 years and 4 months, while my son was 4yrs. We had a quarrel and I got the beating of my life. I was beaten with an iron belt in the presence of my kids. Strangled and couldn’t fight back. Only my niece that was there saved my life. I called his family members,cx we were based in Edo, my family are in Lagos. They came and saw my body, even screamed ooo.

I still limp from the broken knee I got on my right leg. Do you know what this people told him? They told him that he should stop eating my food that the beating was too much and I will kill him out of anger. A man I didn’t kill as a corp member, when he keeps money worth millions with me. A man I stood by his side when he had nothing. Together, they threw I and my kids out in the rain. Even when I pleaded to sleep for a night, he refused. I had to crash at someone’s house and went back to Lagos the next day. He collected EVERYTHING. The cars, the shop. Funny enough, I just bought goods worth 300k so I was broke. He seized everything. I came back to Lagos with NOTHING. His sister that couldn’t give birth asked him to collect my kids, when I refused, he paid their school fees for just a term and stopped. His new girlfriend even came all the way to Lagos to verify if my children really attend the school they were going. This is someone who had already given birth for him while I was Still in his house. He used his influence to block my account, my wrong. He said he wants his children, so he will frustrate my life till I return them. I refused. I won’t lie at a point I was suicidal. I had nothing. My parents were old. My mom couldn’t walk well. My Siblings that I was giving money left right and center deserted me. Just my old parents. My family tried to settle it, he called my mom a witch and my father a pauper. 🙂. He became so proud and said my father can’t afford his shoes. Oh, while I was in his house, he buys designer clothes and shoes. Me? I save up to go to Benin all the way from Irrua to buy OKRIKA. Ankara sef na nylon. Trousers, he was always complaining. I just came to Lagos empty.
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 31, 2022

PART 2…

Then one night, I think around 2am while I was praying, I started crying. Then my two years old daughter woke up and said…” Praise, Mommy is crying again”…. Her brother woke up and these children held hands and gave me a hug. My son was just 4 years old, but he said ” Mommy are you crying because of everything Daddy collected , don’t worry I promise to buy you a car and build you a house”… While they wiped my tears. There and then my factory settings reset. I knew I had to live for these two. My son was dyslexia. The following week, he picked up so fast, till date he’s a prof. My daughter, she’s so smart, I don’t know how God did it. This man didn’t stop frustrating me. I took him to the palace at Ekpoma to dissolve the marriage cx of the Esan taboo. He didn’t show up. His siblings and Uncle lied against me. He bribed the King. But I told God to go before me, while I went their with my Dad and Maternal Uncle. The chiefs, heard my side of the story and God showed himself.

I was acquitted and told that I was free from any taboo, since he was the one that offended me. The chiefs almost cursed him. Coming back to Lagos, you won’t believe that his sister that I donated blood for, called to insult me, called me an Ogbanje , called my mom a Witch and said my mom would die in two months. Two months later, I lost my Mother. My only confidant. One of my pillar. Before then, I had enrolled myself in a computer school with the money people gave me. Then I started teaching in a private school to pay my children’s school fees and upkeeps. I made sure my kids were going to the best school around. I couldn’t buy clothes or make expensive hairstyle, but for my babies, myself and my parents tried. When my mom died, it was just myself, my old Dad and my kids. I took over my mom’s empty shop. Told my hair dresser to give me no 1 in her contribution and I started selling drinks and peppersoup. Men? I won’t lie, I have trust issues.Over busy sef Kee me

I added food to my business. I was struggling as there was no help from anyone. I just held on to God. When people tell me I can’t do it without a man’s help. I go into my room and TALK to God, asking him if he can’t do it without a man’s help. I won’t lie, God works in mysterious ways. Help pop up from admirers. Did I date? Immediately I left the palace, I dated a guy and f***ked his life out. Although, na him too f**k up, I moved on. Four years of struggling, then God remembered me fully. Last year December 31st, I watched Papa Adeboye on gotv, then I went lied down with tears and told God, I want people to praise his name through me. That I want to stop selling food by the end of December 2022. I want a Man that will love me and my kids. My own divine life partner and I wanted my ex to start paying my kids school fees,cx I couldn’t save a dime. January, nothing happened. February, I told a friend I wanted to take him to Women rights. He advised I call him first before going.

Cx they will ask me if I had reached out to him, if I say no, they will insult me that I’m capable be that, and he can use it against me. Someone, I’ve not spoken to in years. I just couldn’t. Then I called my Son and daughter, they are now 8 years and 6years. Told them my intentions and my baby boy said ” Mommy, let peace reign. You know it’s in your hands. Please, you used to say you’ve forgiven our daddy, prove it”…. Men, I cried and realized that this man missed out full time. I was blessed. I had my babies. I called him and someone that didn’t want to hear my voice 3 years ago, picked my call and after pleading for the sake of my babies, he agreed to paying their school fees only. Told him thanks and he paid last term. Then God did Another. My niece’s friend wants to do her wedding and said she needed an event planner. Just like Modecai, one of her friends mentioned my name that I can handle it. I got the job with six zeros. Started a lucrative business without my funds.

And it has being bliss. Four years of struggling and within a twinkle of an eye God visited my case. As for a man, the year is not over, my faith is strong kakaraka like Zuma rock 🪨.
For any Single Mom going through tough times, I will say some are lucky. Within months, God come through. While for some, they have loving people around them. While some are on their own, don’t forget that God never leaves his own. I had and still have my low days, but I look up to Heaven and tell God that if I’m disgrace, people will ask me where is my God. Sometimes, I even refuse to pray, in my mind, I’m keeping malice with God…😁…. Then God blesses me and I go back on my knees like the prodigal Son. Please, don’t stop praying. Prayers is the only way to communicate with God. Midnight prayers, fasting if you can. Live a life free of guilt. Above all, forgive all those that have wrong you. I know it’s not going to be easy, but if you do, doors will open by God’s Grace.
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 31, 2022

My mom is a single mom
I’m the only child
Never seen my dad I don’t know how he looks like
My mom refused to remarry me because of me, life has been really tough accommodation issues, having to stay with family members, I have really seen a lot I would be 22 later this year.
We have been struggling but God has been good to us my mom lost her job since I was in secondary school but God had been faithful
He uses people to help us I know and I believe that this year things will turn around sometimes I cry especially when I’m really broke. My prayer point has been God should give us our own accommodation because leaving with people hasn’t been easy
Going from one family members house to the other
But I know that this year he would do it he has been doing it and he will do this one
My mom is really strong I’m grateful for her I have never seen her cry just that she is hot tempered and passes the aggression on me I know it’s not her fault but God will see us through this phase
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 31, 2022

Hmmmmm. I would say it’s going on well by the grace of God and my family but it has not been easy having to take care of 2 kids at a time with no father in their lives.
He is alive but he just decided to be irresponsible and not take care of my twins.
I found out he has been cheating on me after 2 n half years together and I called it quits without knowing I was already pregnant. I told him, he said he was ready to take up the responsibility only for him to ghost me. I decided to abort it without me knowing i was carrying twins but God said no. Throughout the pregnancy till I gave birth, no call from him nor a visitation. He didn’t even show up for naming and has never contributed to their upbringing in any way. Only for me to see pictures of him getting married 4 months after I gave birth. They are going to be 2 in December.
It made me hate myself whether I was not good enough to be married to but when I look at my kids, I began to love myself and live for them.
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 31, 2022

Mmmmm my son will be a year in September. He just decided we weren’t compatible while pregnant and made his his intension known to my parents all this time we were already married. I couldn’t take it anylonger cos I was draining physically emotionally and phycologically so I had to leave with my baby when he was bearly 2 month. I have been homeless depressed, insulted😥😥 and all but all in all God keep showing himself towards me I know it can only get better💪. No sexaul urge atalll for almost one year now and am cool with it… My immediate family have been the best anyone could wished for though not financially because everyone is just managing. I never wished my enemy this bitter experience cos it will only take the grace of God for me to forgive this man and the woman whom because of her he called it quits and all the families backing his stupidity up.😒😒😒😒
Anonymous
ReplyJuly 31, 2022

It’s been tough oh cos no support whatsoever from him in this present situation in Nigeria. I left due to DV its been 2 years now. Gathering funds to get a divorce so I can move on. Grateful for the support of my parents and few friends

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